The Reader's Digest Version Of All The World's Current Problems

I had to stop messing around and really apply myself which is why I haven't been blogging. It turns out if I apply myself, I can actually find my way out of a wet paper sack. I nailed a mock call in my training class, in front of all my virtual peers, where I was successfully able to find someone at a casino in Laughlin, Nevada.

  I am not even making that up.


If you are drunk and at a casino, I'm your girl.  Here's another tip.  As long as you're lost, sit down in the keno lounge and pretend like you're playing and you'll get free drinks.

If you are lost in Iowa, good luck and God bless.

"Can you see corn?  Is there any corn around you?  Try and eat it because you are going to DIE!"

My triplet mom friend, Helene, is in town and staying at the Wynn, so my other triplet mom friend, Misti, and I met her at the Fashion Show for lunch today.  This working part-time thing is going to work splendidly for me.

We ate in the little tea room at Neiman Marcus, overlooking the Strip and the Wynn.  It was absolutely delightful.

I had a lovely crab salad, with maple-smoked bacon, avocados, and mangoes, on a bed of crisp, organic baby greens.

It was accompanied with a scrumptious warm turnover, laden with fresh strawberry butter.

As I described my lunch to the children at dinner, Greg said, "Really?  I had crab, shrimp, steak, beef and pork ribs, prime rib, turkey, Chinese, Italian, Mexican, pie, custard, and cheesecake at The Palms for lunch, for $8."

Oh, yeah?  Well..........well............. mine cost $25, so THERE!

We celebrated Greg's 49th birthday over the weekend.

Greg is thrilled to be 49, can you tell?  Every birthday spawns a new midlife crisis and he took off with Bob and Jerry last week and went dirt bike riding in the desert for 7 hours.  I was having a coronary.  Would you like to live to be 50???

Even though I haven't had time to blog, I am still keeping abreast of all the world's crises due to your emails, Facebook messages, and comments.

In no particular order of relevance, I've been made aware of another Italian cruise ship disaster.   Ohmygod, is this a SIGN? 

I was informed of an egg producer leaving 50,000 chickens to die in a building without food or water for 2 weeks.  BASTARDS!

I was asked if I had any inside information on a new spontaneously-conceived quadruplet mom, who has a 60 year old woman stalking her, and trying to gain access to the hospital and her babies.  I do not, but BACK OFF PSYCHO.  

I also saved 9 month old triplets from eating Lunchables in my triplet mom support group.  I'm a know-it-all bitch for that one.

I also pondered the startling and remarkable decline in sentence structure, spelling, and grammar among the newer triplet moms.  These girls can't spell second grade spelling words and they're popping out three babies at a time.  What in God's name is happening to this younger generation?  Is this all the damn texting?  Are public schools failing us?  What in the world is going on?  Are you guys noticing this?????

Okay, I think that is it.  I had to purge all those problems because they were getting pent up and we must discuss them, hash them, and re-hash them.   I have to go figure out how to find you in a corn field now.  If there isn't a shining light coming out of the top of a pyramid, I get confused.