He Had Me At Hello

Yesterday, my triplet mom friend, Andi, and her wife, Jen, asked me to meet them at a new club they joined.  The kids and I just planned on stopping by really quickly, then motoring on over to Red Rock to go hiking.

Until we walked into the 200,000 square foot facility.

Kids over five can rockclimb.

Or play soccer in the indoor soccer field.

The indoor soccer field that doesn't have any WIND and is climate-controlled, not requiring any wind tents or blankets.

Or they could play basketball in the gymnasium.

The kids had to take a swim test to be able to have full access to the waterpark.  They had to swim 25 meters without stopping or needing assistance.

Who knew that the 3 months I schlepped Austin to the YMCA this winter would pay off so well?

He flipped over and got to the end doing the backstroke.  VICTORY!!!  All four could then have unlimited access to the entire pool and waterslides.  Andi and Jen and I reclined on our cushioned chaise lounge chairs and watched the kids swim and swim and swim.  The umbrellas even have their own misting system, should you become too uncomfortable in paradise.  If you become too hungry, you just skip over to the cafe.  Or you can drop your kids off at the child care center and walk into the spa for a day of beauty.

I was uncertain about the cost of becoming a member, until I remembered the whistle blowing at the community pool because there was a "foreign substance" floating around.  Everyone out of the pool!
Remember when that lady's wig came apart upon impact from the waterslide, and we had hair floating on us in the water?  Or how about when the kid pulled his father's pants down and left him standing there with his hairy ass hanging out?

We're going to move up a couple social notches this summer.  If I'm going to be stuck with four kids all summer when it's a 115 degrees out, I think we can manage in 200,000 square feet.  I've always said a castle wouldn't be big enough for all us, but you know what?  A castle will totally work for me.

I even almost have Greg sold on it.  I told him all the women there were super skinny and had big gigantic boobs.  Do I know my husband, or do I know my husband?

Besides, can you put a price on this?  The Sleep Factor of swimming from dawn to dusk?

The salesman had me at hello.

You Are Not My Friend

I haven't mentioned it, but in March, Gregory started bringing home school paperwork that did not have straight As. He started bringing home Bs and Cs, yet when I'd go over it with him at home, he'd know the answers. 

He was sick for most of March, they started soccer, and Greg was gone nearly the entire month, so I thought perhaps the stress was getting to him. Gregory tries to act really tough, but he's a nervous kid. When things are out of whack, he takes on all the stress of the situation. If I'm stressed, Gregory is stressed. If our family unit is stressed, Gregory is at the helm of stress. 

I'll give you an example. 

A few weeks ago, I was standing around after school, talking to the teachers and other mothers, when Gregory noticed Austin was missing. I thought Austin might of went to use the bathroom, so I told Gregory to go look. Gregory came out of the bathroom crying his eyes out.

"He's GONE. He's GONE. Someone stole him!", he bawled.

We all started calling for Austin and we could not find him. I literally started running to the street to see if I could find him. Gregory was HYSTERICAL. I could not find Austin. I started to get that sick, sick, sick feeling when you can't find your child. 

Moments later, Austin came walking out from behind one of the portables, where they have a sandbox. 

"What's wrong, Mom?", he asked. 

He had no idea what was going on or why Gregory was hysterical. He was just playing. 

It took Gregory hours to get over that one. He has to make sure he knows where everyone is and what everyone is doing at all times. He actually knows where everything is at our house, too. 

Anyway, his grades went back up, but his handwriting got really poor and I noticed he seemed distracted and that he hasn't been paying attention when he's reading. He'll read a whole chapter and I'll ask him questions and he doesn't even know what he read. 

Then I noticed he wasn't playing or talking to Big Tall Kid anymore at school. Gregory, Preston, and Big Tall Kid are as thick as thieves. The Three Musketeers. Gregory has idolized Big Tall Kid since the first day of kindergarten. Big Tall Kid is the one who started kindergarten reading chapter books, who missed the cut-off day for starting kindergarten the year before by three days, who went to two full years of private school preschool. Gregory has worshipped this kid, and for the most part, he's been a good influence, so I didn't discourage it. Who wouldn't want their child hanging out with the smartest, biggest kid in his grade?

In December, Big Tall Kid came to school and told the whole class that if he could just bring home some mistletoe, his parents would kiss, and then maybe they'd love each other again. I will spare you all the details, but over the last six months, his parents have been going through a bitter divorce, all of which has been reiterated to me from Gregory and the girls. If there is any doubt that your kids go to school and tell every single person your personal business, let me assure you that the teachers know exactly what is going on in your house. 

Gregory has taken on this kid's stress. In addition to taking on the stress, Big Tall Kid has gotten mean to him. I won't elaborate on everything I've heard, but the father is pushing Big Tall Kid into very competitive sports against his mother's wishes. There is a lot going on there. 

When I asked Gregory why he wasn't hanging out with Big Tall Kid anymore, he absolutely wouldn't tell me. 

After some badgering, he told me, "He's mean to me, he gets me in trouble, and he says bad words. He's not my friend anymore."

I was stunned. STUNNED. I cannot stress to you how much Gregory has looked up to this kid. So for him to make the decision to cut off the friendship must have caused him an enormous amount of stress leading up to the decision. 

All along, despite what they teach them at school that they are ALL friends, I have told my kids that I did not require they be friends with everyone they go to school with. I have told them they must be respectful and polite to their classmates, but they are not REQUIRED to be friends with every single person in school, because we are not friends with every single person we meet in life, and I want them to feel empowered enough to know this. Nobody ever told me that. I was in my thirties before I realized I don't have to put up with people in my life who I don't like. So if you know me and I'm putting up with you, I must actually like you. 

Another part of me felt a sense of loss over the end of their friendship, because I'm a child of divorce and this kid has so much potential, and it sickens me to my very core to think that he will be forever changed over something he has no control over. 

And part of me wants to say, but, but, but, but.................. 

It's not his fault. He can't help it. Give him another chance.
 
But I didn't. I have to respect my son's decision to know he doesn't like the way this person is making him feel. I have to respect him for knowing the situation is making him feel bad. I have to respect him for being strong enough to go against peer pressure and strike out on his own, without any input from me or his father.

We must be doing something right. I couldn't be more proud of him.  He knows at seven what took me half a lifetime to figure out. 

I'm Going To Have To Hog-Tie Them

New Year's Eve 2010

 I love when my sister is here!  She gave me a full day of beauty yesterday and I chopped off my hair.  Sarah also chopped her hair off at shoulder length.  We like our hair short. 

 

Nancy's son brought his buddy with him and I can never get over the shock of how much teenage boys eat.  I'm going to need a lot more chickens and a job.  

I'm going to need to keep really good insurance with a low deductible, too. 

Calista crashed the moped into the side of Greg's friend's truck yesterday. 

Hale fell off the dock in our backyard, flipped, then landed on a boulder on his back. 

I'm thinking we'll need to double our insurance when we have four teenagers.  Greg's mom has told me a hundred times that she used to just pray that her boys would not accidentally kill themselves before they became adults.  I think she must pinch herself whenever she sees Greg. 

Having all these older kids around made me realize that when my kids become teenagers, Gregory and Austin will have their friends over with Amanda and Sarah's friends.  Can you imagine the future issues that will arise with having different sex teenage triplets???????????????  I'm going to have to have eyes in the back of my head and I'll never be able to sleep!  Just think about it for a minute.  Gregory's friends will be hitting on the girls.  And the girls' friends will be hitting on the boys.  Maybe we'll even have friends that make friends with someone just to get to one of their siblings.  It is making my head spin just to think of it.  

If you have older multiples, can you weigh in on that?   

So what are you guys doing this weekend?   I'll be buying some rope to hog-tie these kids and keep them safe. 

Look What The Girls Learned On The Playground

My sister is here visiting with her teenage children.  Right before we went to bed last night, my sister said, "I'm going to sleep in tomorrow."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!

Sleeping in?  What in the heck is that?

The children were up at 6:30am, so I threw them outside, where they promptly began rearranging the backyard.

What age do kids start sleeping in?

Look what the girls learned on the playground at school.



I'm so proud.

It's The End Of An Era

When Austin was doing homework yesterday morning, he had to write the name of zoo animals.

"How come I've never been to the zoo?", he asked me.

"You've been to the zoo!!!!  Don't you remember falling into the zebra exhibit?", I asked him.

He doesn't remember!!!!  I didn't realize until I went to look for that blog post just now, he was only 1.  That was four years ago!!!!  Ohmygosh, how long have I been blogging????

He's been to the Phoenix Zoo twice and the Vegas Zoo once before, but he just doesn't remember.  Why in the heck didn't we go to the zoo when we were in San Diego?????

I told him to go get his shoes on.  We were going to the zoo!

Using the word "zoo" is entirely too gracious for what I would call the Las Vegas Zoo.  The entire "zoo" is on  3 acres and it smells so bad, I started getting nauseous when I got out of the car.  But Austin had no idea.  He thought it was great.

Remember Bob's friend, the Hippie/Conspiracy Theorist?  He bought an o.s.t.r.i.c.h f.a.r.m and he ordered 120 fertilized eggs that he is incubating.

He has absolutely no idea what he is doing, but if by sheer luck they start hatching, the kids and I are going to drive the 100 miles north to watch ostriches come out of their shells.  This is going to be one of the field trips I'm planning for Michele's Summer Camp.

Can you tell me where the Mirage is at?

I've got a full slate planned for summer.  I enrolled the boys in basketball and the girls in ballet.  All four are taking swim lessons.  My friend Misti is trying to talk me into tennis camp.  I still have to inquire about gym for Gregory.

I'll get out next time!  You watch!

I wouldn't mind doing tennis camp, but when I think about buying the kids shoes and rackets, it makes me get queasy.  So far they've done karate and soccer, so if we can cover basketball and tennis, they should be able to hang in all the 'hoods represented at our school.

I'm sure you guys don't have to have survival plans for summer with your children, because it's probably not 175 degrees out where you live, and you probably just throw yours outside.  Which is exactly what I would do, if it wasn't 175 degrees out.  But since we'll all be living together, confined indoors in the a/c and the children being awake and raring to go for 14 hours of the 24 hours there are in a day, I need at least one activity a day to break up the monotony.
 

Goats are powerful stinky.  I can scratch them off my list.

When I had Austin out yesterday, I had the most sobering realization that the two of us only have eight school days left together.  Just eight more days and I'll never be alone with him again.  He'll go to school with the others and come home with the others.  I won't have my tag-along anymore.  My buddy.  We'll never have our quiet time together.

I am SO SAD.  I am coming to an end of an era in my parenting experience and I am really, really, really sad.

We sure had a lot of fun.  I am going to miss him so much when he's gone all day.

Dancing In Las Vegas?????????

At Christmas, I got the girls Illustory, so they could write and illustrate their own books.  We started it, then put it away, then remembered about it a couple months ago.  They got their books in the mail 2 days ago and they are so darn cute, I can hardly stand it.  Now I wish I had gotten this for the boys, too.

Here is Amanda's book.  I only helped with punctuation and some spelling.  The entire story line, plot, and subject matter is 100 percent Amanda.  

  

If living in Las Vegas and having a kid who wants to be a DANCER, isn't enough reason to move, what in the heck is?  I'm either going to have a showgirl or a pole dancer.  It could go either way. HA!!!!

Looks Like I'm Homeschooling Now.

This entire post will verify why all parents of small children should only wear black.

See the outfit I was wearing last year on Austin's birthday?  I had this exact outfit on yesterday.

I woke up yesterday to another beautiful spring morning.  We've had such unseasonably cool temperatures.  The girls indicated that they wanted omelets for breakfast, so we went out to the garden and dug up a scallion, and picked a zucchini and a bell pepper, then we made an omelet with our own chicken eggs.  I added a piece of pomegranate jelly toast to their plates to top off the perfection.

Pomegranate jelly I worked tirelessly on, for what seemed like 1000 hours.  I had one last jar stashed away and yesterday seemed like the perfect morning to break it out.

You cannot imagine the satisfaction I felt.  I am living off the land.  Do you understand?  The land that gets 4 inches of rain a year.  The land that took me 10 years to make dirt.  I have conquered this barren, dusty, inhospitable hellhole!!!!!!  I rule the universe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The kiddos and I then walked to school --- me, in my white skirt -- where we discovered the drinking fountain, that had erupted the night before, still wasn't fixed, creating a river and pond on the first grade playground.  You'd have thought the kids had never seen water before.  Oh, wait!  We get four inches of rain a year.  They haven't!!!!!  Most of the water had pooled on the black asphalt underneath the play equipment, making an ideal spot to jump, hop, skip, kick, and even roll around in the filthy, black run-off.

To add to the excitement, we only had substitutes outside, as the real teachers were preparing for testing.  We have major testing going on right now.

The kids seemed completely oblivious that they had dropped all their backpacks, filled with library books, off in the stream.  Can you imagine if one drop of water got on their backpacks, then accidentally soaked through to a library book?

We'd be completely out of room in lunch detention on the stage, which I now refer to as Gitmo, where the children are quarantined when they ruin a book.   So I began running around and piling the backpacks out of the water, while instructing students to stop rolling around in the water.

Imagine how thrilled the real teachers were to come and get their soaking, filthy kids when the bell rang.  I bet that made for a super duper fun testing day, having cold, itchy, wet kids, with soaking wet socks and shoes.  The teachers told me I should go find out what was going on in the front office.  Who was coming to shut off the drinking fountain?  I bent down in front of all the teachers to see if I could see the shut-off valve myself, to no avail.

So Austin and I began walking around the building when I saw the assistant P.E. teacher.  We stopped and chatted and I told him I was headed to find out what the status was on the fountain.

"Do you think you should walk ALL THE WAY to the front office?", he asked.

All 200 feet?  Sure.  I knew it would be a difficult trek, but I would dig deep to find the stamina.

We happened to run into the principal on the way in, and he told me that he had put an emergency call in and hopefully it would be taken care of by lunch.  Okay.  Sounded good to me, so I shook his hand and walked away.  I was satisfied.

Austin and I then cruised over to Costco to return the coffee pot I had purchased for the PTA.  The light didn't work on it and nobody knew if it was on or off, brewing or not.   I waited in a substantial line for the return, but we got it done and headed to Trader's, where I saw and spoke to every single person who has worked there for the last 15 years.

Then we came home, lunched, and I took Austin to school, where I got out and walked up and stopped and chatted with all the other parents.  I'm social like that.

Then I came home and ran into Greg.  He had left early in the morning and I hadn't seen him.

I walked past him and he said, "Did you know you have something that looks like blood all over the back of your skirt?"

"What???!!!  I'm not on my period!", I said, as I dropped my skirt and turned it around.

POMEGRANATE JELLY.

I went and looked at the chairs and discovered that one of the kids had dropped their toast, upside down, and I had SAT ON THE JELLY, never knowing it.  I had walked around THE ENTIRE DAY like that and NOBODY TOLD ME.

Which only means one thing.  I am never going back to school now.

Looks like I'm going to have to homeschool.  I have no choice.  You guys figure out the funding.  I'll be purchasing a school bus to bury in the backyard, where I'll be holding underground school in my black burka.

It's Exactly Just Not Like Paradise

I had to explain to Gregory yesterday that I wasn't packing the girls a lunch because they would be dining on the stage at their chess club luncheon, while he ate down in the mosh pit with the other underachievers.  Okay, I didn't word it like that!  

I actually said, "The girls will be eating on the stage today, as a reward for sacrificing one recess a week to learn how to play chess.  If you want to participate in chess club luncheon next year, I suggest you join chess club at the beginning of the year, and stick it out."

Aren't I the meanest mom ever???!!!!!!!!!!!

I would like to point out that the teacher who runs chess club at our school, does so freely and without merit pay or recognition.  She sacrifices her own lunch, once a week for an ENTIRE YEAR, so that she can spend 2 hours teaching every interested child, in all five grades, how to play chess. Even after she had a heart attack and double bypass surgery, she forged on, and she's still going strong at 70 years old.  We have 93 children in chess club at our school, and think that's pretty darn remarkable with our demographics.

Unfortunately, we only had 160 hotdog buns and nearly everyone wanted two hotdogs.  By the time we got to fifth grade, we realized that we were short 3 hotdog buns to even give the fifth graders a single hotdog.  I had exactly 7 minutes to find 3 hotdog buns.  Where on earth could I find 3 hotdog buns in a school cafeteria?  Ask the lunch lady?  Holy cow, no way.  Our lunch lady is a ruthless dictator in the extreme.  She'd chop your arm clean off before she gave you a crumb.

I ran out to the car and flew to the gas station at the end of the street.  No buns.  UGH.  Then I did what any rational person needing hotdogs in a seven minute time frame would do.  I called Bob.

"Do you still have hot dog buns from your birthday party?", I screeched into the phone.  "Is your back door open??!!!"

He did.  It was.  I went tearing down the street, ran around and through his house, much to the surprise of his out-of-town relatives, who were standing in the kitchen, and unaware that someone would come running through, only to jerk open the refrigerator, in a harried search for hotdog buns.

Hi!  Hi!  Hi!  I'm the neighbor.  I need hotdog buns for the chess club luncheon.  Nice to meet you.  BUH BYE. 

Bob saved the luncheon!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Does it take a village, OR WHAT???

During the luncheon, Sarah looked at me while she was licking a lemon popsicle and said, "This is like paradise, Mom."

Yes.  Yes, it is.

To reward our Chess Club Teacher for more than 30 years of teaching dedication, we'll be cutting her pay 10 percent next year.  It's exactly just not like paradise.

There Isn't Enough Money In The World To Pay Teachers What They Deserve

According to the latest census, only 20 percent of the people residing in Nevada are married couples, living with children under the age of 18.   Is it any wonder we can't get education funding passed here?  Families are obviously fleeing this state in record numbers.  I am so sick of not knowing what is going to happen to my kids next year, I could just vomit.

Isn't it stressful enough to have to pass your most beloved treasures on to a new grade and a new teacher, without all the added drama of people vilifying teachers at every turn?  I just can't believe how ugly this funding battle has gotten in our state.

Now we've got mudslingers out there blaming teachers for getting paid too much in Nevada.  Doesn't that make you laugh?  Too much!!!  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!

You couldn't pay me enough to do what they do all day.  If you guys could see some of the parents at my school, you'd wonder just how in the hell the teachers could possibly make any headway at all with the raw materials they've been given to mold.  These "parents", and I use that term very loosely, are some of the most pathetic human beings I have ever seen.  They are raising kids with zero respect for authority.  Zero backup on the homefront for anything they are learning at school.  Zero manners. Zero interest in their school performance.

We all assume that when you have kids, they will be your top priority for the short amount of time they are entrusted to you.  But let me tell you, that's just not the way it is in the world I'm navigating around.  Maybe you are seeing this where you are at, too?

Let me give you an example of the stellar parenting I see on a daily basis.

On Saturday, I had to deal with the child of Day Old Bread Momma during Gregory's game.  Gregory played the entire game, but since this other kid has zero interest in soccer, he spent the entire time we were there acting like a goon.  Burping.  Screaming.  Rolling around like a buffoon.  Amanda and Sarah just glared at him.  He does this at every game and every practice.

What does his mother do?  She stares into space like she's on drugs.  Maybe she is on drugs.  Who knows?  Some of the cards are missing in the deck, that's for sure.

Then the kid started shouting out the F word.  These children are seven years old and this kid is belting out the F word like he's in an R-rated movie.

Greg laid into him.

"KNOCK IT OFF.  WE DON'T TALK LIKE THAT HERE,  YOU MIGHT TALK LIKE THAT AT HOME, BUT WE AREN'T TALKING LIKE THAT HERE,  DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?", he bellowed at the kid.

I know we don't all agree on everything I write on this blog, but can we all agree that Greg is scary?  He is a scary man.  Do you know that kid did not even flinch when Greg chewed him a new one??!!!

Zero respect for adults.  Zero respect for even scary adults.

What was the kid's mother doing when all this went down?  She was zoning out.  High as a kite.

Now times that little degenerate by a 100,000, and that is what teachers get to teach every day in the Clark County School District.

Do we pay them enough to do it?????!!!!!!!!!  Heck, no.

I will be calling the governor and my legislators again today.  If you live here,  I suggest you give Brian Sandoval a call and let him know that teachers deserve to get paid to do their jobs.

Are We All Still Here????!!!!

I didn't want to spend the last day on Earth on the computer, so I decided not to blog today.

Or maybe I didn't blog because we were just too darn busy!   But lo and behold, the end times came and went and I'm still here.  That was a real shocker!!!!

After a full day of soccer, we loaded the kids up and headed to the G Triplet's sixth birthday party.  

The kids were so excited.  Sarah even said, "Mom, we never see Miss Laura's boys anymore.  I miss them."

Austin misses them, too.  He went to preschool with them for two years, after all.

I told Sarah to just wait until summer vacation and we'll be seeing them all the time.  The Vegas triplet moms have been so fortunate to have our kids grow up together.  They are so comfortable with each other.  Laura said it is like we've forged our own family out of this transient town , where everyone is a transplant, and now the kids have a dozen cousins.  We had five set of triplets together today, and we didn't have one single disagreement.  So, heck, maybe we're even better than family.

Just watch out if you give them all water balloons!



Or try to get the birthday boys to look at the camera for a picture!  Yes, I'm talking to you and you and you.

These kids are so darn cute.  Happy birthday, boys!

So what do you guys have planned for the rest of your lives now that we must continue living?

I Am A Bad Role Model

We were blessed with incredible 70 degree weather yesterday for Bike Rodeo.  The kids were all so mellow and happy during the entire thing and I'm sure it was because of the weather.  It is normally a 100 degrees at this time of the year and I cannot imagine how hot and sweaty and miserable the kids would be riding on the asphalt.

When we got to school to drop off the bikes, the P.E. teacher asked, "Did you bring all these bikes in a Uhaul?"

Ha ha.  Nope.  We rode them and dodged the other parents who drive like assholes.  My biggest concern about my kids riding their bikes to school is getting run over by parents dropping off their kids.

They were required to show that they could do certain skills with their bikes at different stations.  So at one station they had to do figure eights.

At another, they had to ride on a white line and then brake.  They also learned proper hand signals for turning right, left, and stopping.

Gregory wouldn't wear his helmet to school because it is the same one he's had since he was four years old and had little monkeys playing on it.   Poor Gregory has gotten the small head gene from me.  I can still wear children's baseball caps and eyeglasses.  So I spraypainted his helmet black and then he was fine.

I didn't realize that when they first started doing the bike training at school, they were using the helmets FROM school.  Which means all last week, they were using school helmets which every other child in school were using as well.  One of the dad's volunteered yesterday and his only job was to spray Lysol in the helmets when they returned.

"Does Lysol kill lice?", I pondered.

I really think there is almost no way that I am going to get through this entire parenting experience without having parasitic creatures living on or in my children.

Austin rode his bike to school in the afternoon, since I had the other three on bikes at the end of the school day and would need to be able to ride with them on the way home.  After I dropped him off, I began peddling away when I came across the principal as he was walking across the parking lot.

"Where is your helmet?", he asked me.

"Isn't it amazing that I've managed to live to be 42 years old without ever owning one?", I answered.

Hey.  I make my kids wear helmets and it ends there.  I ride my bike 2 or 3 times a year, 2 blocks to the park.  If I go over 5 miles an hour, my chain falls off.  I've never owned a helmet and I'm not buying one.  I realize that I could get run over by Jerry or the mailman, but I'm going to take my chances and continue being a bad role model and rebel when I pedal one block to school on my $100 Huffy bike.

And, yes, this is the second year in a row that an administrator has told me I should be wearing a helmet.  I wonder why they don't also stand outside school and tell parents to stop smoking?

I felt bad for being a bad role model, though, so I went back to pick them up on my electric scooter.

ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!