Waiting For Superman!!!

Greg is on his way home from Lake Tahoe today, intact. So he has survived another year of skiing with his maniac friends. That is a relief.

I've had some less than stellar parenting moments over the weekend. The kids were just at their absolute worst behavior. They are really into bickering with each other and it is driving me crazy. Not having Dad around to take off with a couple of them and break up the mob has been trying.

I'm waiting for Greg, the Superman, to come and save the day.

Or I could have just run Superman over in my car yesterday.

You could just drive around Las Vegas all day long and crack up at all the crazies on the street here.

The kids are off school today because it is a staff development day, so I get to try and figure out how to keep them too busy to fight with each other, so my head doesn't have to spin right off.

Does anyone want to meet at the park?  H.E.L.P.   M.E.

Thanks to all the suggestions in the comments on the post about Kindra the other day, she made a wishlist through Amazon like everyone suggested..  It is right here.  Kindra?  If you read this, is there an option to put just one can of formula on the list?  Six at a time might be too expensive.  I think you should add diaper rash cream too.  Don't you love people who give unsolicited advice?

Bob came over yesterday and talked me into doing meat chickens again.  We ordered 30 from Welp Hatchery in Iowa.  I am hoping their genetic stock is as good as McMurray's Hatchery.  I really, really, really didn't want to do the Jumbo X Rocks again, because they are a Frankenchicken and I hate them, but we waited too long to get a heritage breed and the hatcheries are already sold out and we are out of time for growing a heritage breed because Hotter Than Hell will be here in 3 months.  The Jumbo X Rocks will be ready for slaughter in six weeks.

So, YEAH, let the pooping begin.  That should bring my stress level down!

It Was Exactly How It Was In My Nightmares

When I was in Hawaii, Austin's new soccer coach called to tell me that he would have his first practice on Friday at 6pm.

I haven't heard anything about the other kids, so I told her I had 7 year old triplets in U8 and if she could see what team they are on? That's when she told me she coaches a 5 year old team and a 7 year old team and she holds practice AT THE SAME TIME, so she told me to call the league and see if they would pencil my other kids on her team.

She told me that most of the kids she coaches are her nieces and nephews and cousins. So I think we can all agree that almost only means one thing. MORMON. Which is exactly what I'm looking for. Put me on the Mormon team, PLEASE.

So I called to talk to the commissioner of the league and ask him if he could do that?  He told me absolutely not.  They weren't putting my kids anywhere.  Her team is already full and they aren't moving anyone around.

"Do you have any idea what team my other kids are on?", I asked him.

"No.  You'll find out, when you find out."

The guy was a prick.  I'm just going to say it.  Maybe he deals with asshole parents all day long, or maybe he was just born that way.  I have no idea.  I only called because the coach suggested it.

So instead of having all the kids practice at the same time, the four of us took Austin to practice in 50 mile an hour wind gusts and huddled together to try to stay warm, while watching all the other 7 year olds practice soccer.

ISN'T THAT EFFICIENT?????

It was like my worse case scenario when I envisioned enlisting them in soccer.  I couldn't even text because my hands were frozen off and I was being pelted in the face with flying dirt, while three kids hung on me and whined.  

Then I woke up in the middle of the night with the horrible realization that maybe they didn't put ANY of my kids on the same team!!!!  Can you imagine that fiasco?  Four practices and four games?

I'm totally not married to this idea which is why I went and acquired used stuff.  I'll pull the girls out and let the boys do it this season if they put them all on separate teams.  The girls can do dance or art or something instead.  

Austin totally loved it.  He LOVED it.  My future is so bleak.  Austin is now in swimming, karate, and soccer and he's loving every minute of it.  

C Is For Community

When I was in Hawaii, Leslie and I were in a bookstore for a book signing.  Leslie knows the owner of the store and while we were in the children's section, somehow our conversation got around to Lerayshaun and how he has never been sent to school.  I'm not sure what got us going about him, but just as we were leaving, the storeowner caught us and gave me a beautiful stained art ABC coloring book and markers to give to Lerayshaun when I returned.  It was such an incredibly nice gesture.

My kids do not like Lerayshaun.  I think they actually hate him.  We had a long conversation about him at dinner on Wednesday night.  He's mean.  He's disruptive.  He's rude.  He doesn't know how to act.  He's ruining their whole class.  They used to be Top Dogs and now they aren't because he's wrecking everything.  Why would I want to help him?   Why do I have to be the one to go and help him?

I told them that for better or worse, Lerayshaun is part of our school community, which got us talking about what makes a community and what defines a community.  We even looked up community in the dictionary.

1. A unified body of individuals: asa : state, commonwealthb : the people with common interests living in a particular area; broadly : the area itself community>c : an interacting population of various kinds of individuals (as species) in a common locationd : a group of people with a common characteristic or interest living together within a larger society communityof retired persons>e : a group linked by a common policyf : a body of persons or nations having a common history or common social, economic, and political interests community>g : a body of persons of common and especially professional interests scattered through a larger society community>

I told them I don't have to like Lerayshaun as an individual to help him, although that would make it more pleasant.  Rather by helping him, I am helping their classroom achieve, which helps their teacher and helps their school.  I told them our community is only as strong as our weakest member.  So we talked about how bringing him up, brings up everyone.  If we make him a stronger student, we make the school a better school, which not only benefits Lerayshaun, but benefits them.  I told them that is how a community works.

They accepted that, because if they protest, I will talk them to death.

So I went and pulled Lerayshaun out of class yesterday and the most remarkable thing has happened since I was there last week.  Their teacher went and bought the LeapFrog Letter Factory DVD and he's been watching it every day and he now knows almost every single one of his letter sounds.   We used that DVD too and if you are teaching your kids how to read, go buy that DVD.  Don't waste your time trying to do it all on your own.  That DVD is remarkable.  They'll learn their letter sounds in a week.  Best $10 I've ever spent.  I didn't even think of it.

Now I only really need to focus on writing.  Another week of watching that DVD and I think I'll be able to introduce the simplest of phonics' books.  I am so excited.  Teaching my kids to read has been the absolute greatest joy I have had as a mother.  I didn't think I'd have an opportunity to teach another child to read.

When I handed the stained art coloring book and markers from Hawaii to Lerayshaun, he told me that he didn't like them.  I told him they were his and he could take them home with him and do anything he liked with them.  I told them they were a present all the way from Hawaii.  He doesn't know what Hawaii is, but I'm going to show him.

He, again, refused to take the gift.  I asked him why?

"Because I can't take them home. ", he said.

"Why?", I asked again.

"I can't."

"Would you like to keep them in your desk at school?", I asked.

He agreed to that happily.  WOW.  What does that mean, you guys?  Why can't he take them home?  Because someone will make fun of him?  Because someone will steal them?  Because having something special would make him a target?

How depressing.  I cannot even begin to imagine what his home life is like.

When I was helping Lerayshaun, Sarah was taken out of class to do her long-awaited and postponed film interview.  

She was smiling and said, "Hi, Mom.  I'm going now to do my interview."

My kids do not seem to have a shy bone in their bodies.

Then when the other two came out of class for P.E., Amanda hugged me and then Gregory hugged me and showed me his skinned and bloody knee.

Just to throw salt in their Lerayshaun Hatred Wound, the little shit hugged me really tight in front of them and said, "Goodbye, Mom.  See you tomorrow." when he left.

He's really, really smart.  I can see our school community getting stronger and stronger.

I won't be seeing him today though, because I am going to go see Kindra and the babies.  My triplet mom community needs to be shored up.

I'm in a lot of communities.  Be afraid.

Lifestyles Of The Rich And Famous

Yesterday was supposed to be my first day back into my life, but I got sidetracked.

First, I want to say that my trip to Hawaii was relaxing in ways I didn't even know I needed.  The trip to Europe was fun and crazy, but the trauma of it, and the stress, left me in such a state that I was more anxious and nervous and exhausted when I got home than before I left.

Hawaii left me in a state of total relaxation.  Maybe I got more out of the massage than I reckoned, because I feel like a completely different person!  

For those of you who followed Macario's declining health over the last few years, I want you all to know that Leslie is doing okay.  She has a very strong support system and a network of amazing friends and she has made a little community for herself and Emma Rose there.  I don't want to understate the enormous loss, because it was enormous, but I feel so much better now, knowing that she is surrounded by really caring, interesting people.  I think they lift her up.  I know I feel lighter.  Greg said I feel lighter because I have 50 less dollars after my massage.  


Moving along, I was sitting on the tarmac in Honolulu, getting ready to taxi and turn my phone off, when it rang and it was my triplet mom friend, Helene Slutsky.  She had taken a free voucher to get bumped off her flight home from Vegas and was staying an extra night.  Which means I didn't miss her visit!!!

Austin and I drove over to the Strip yesterday and picked her up, then we went on a quest to find secondhand cleats.  Helene is a shopper, in addition to being completely and certifiably insane.  I should interject here that Greg is absolutely HORRIFIED over used cleats.  He accused me of giving the kids athlete's feet.  Hey.  If the kids stay in soccer more than 2 weeks, I might consider new cleats.  I can buy Lotrimin for $3.

Our first stop was Saver's thrift store.

Okay, this man in front of me should not wear Uggs, black tights, a pink shirt, and a jean skirt.  It just does not work for him AT ALL.  Helene is absolutely brazen.  You guys would just DIE.  Die, I tell you.

 I will admit to buying Sarah a used FAO Schwarz dog, which I ripped the tag off and put in the washing machine.

After we dropped Austin off at school, we needed to recharge at lunch.

We ended up getting three pair of cleats and three shin guards at Kid To Kid on Sahara for $30 total.  Not bad, eh?

Helene is a rockstar!  This was our fifth and final thrift store.  I still need to get Gregory's cleats.  He may be the true lucky one and get new shoes.

So over lunch, Helene tells me this insane story about entering a raffle and winning a trip to Bangkok, Thailand, in business class where your chair turns into a bed, and a 5 day stay at a 5 star hotel.   And I was so excited for her, because free trips are exciting, right?  

Then she tells me that her husband doesn't want to go, but the trip is valued at $26,000 and she does not want to pass it up.  Do I want to go?

And I'm like, SHUTUP.  Will it be sunny today in Vegas?  Of course I would want to go on a free trip to a free hotel room in a foreign country.  DUH.  Is there a question?   I called Greg and asked him if he cared and he said it was fine with him as long as it doesn't interfere with his alumni golf outing in Michigan in May.

I know absolutely nothing about Thailand, except I like Thai food.  I have never once in my entire life wanted to go to Thailand.

So there is so much more to this story, but I am keeping it quiet because Helene's husband could change his mind and decide to go.  But if he doesn't, I'M GOING TO THAILAND in May.  Don't tell anyone though.  It's a secret.

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

This Little Piggy Went Wee Wee Wee All The Way Home

The Pig Trapping Guy had not arrived at Leslie's house, yesterday, before she had to take me to the airport.  Imagine our surprise to see not one, NOT TWO, but THREE baby pigs in the trap.

Those little babies were not happy.

They were not from the same litter, because one of the babies was quite a bit larger than the other two. You have to watch how fierce he is already in this video.



He really, really wanted out.

Leslie told me that the Pig Trapping Guy will not kill them yet. He will keep them until they get larger, then he will eat them. Our favorite crazy Eskimo blogger has been following the Pig Drama on Facebook and she is chomping at the bit to get to these pigs.

I arrived back in Las Vegas at 11:30pm and took a cab home.  The kids all looked good this morning.  You could not believe how uncluttered the house is with Greg in charge.  The counters were spotless, with not a single fruit or vegetable residing here.  All of their clothing was clean and stacked in laundry baskets, in what I like to call  laundry composting, so we dug that all apart and they found suitable things to wear today.  Austin hasn't done homework or any reading since I left, so on that note, I jump back into my routine.  Greg has departed for his drive to Lake Tahoe and his annual Mancation so I am on my own until next week.  This will be a rough re-entry.

Does anyone have any ideas on buying cleats and shin guards?  Do I have go to Walmart?  Please say no.  Going back into Walmart in Las Vegas after being in Hawaii might put me in culture shock and I will die.  Ideally I want to pay $10 to $15 for cleats, since Amanda will almost certainly quit.  How about Big 5?

Drama In The Jungle

We went to visit Volcanoes National Park yesterday.

The Hawaiians still leave presents to Pele, the volcano goddess, at the Halema'uma'u caldera.

The volcano is very active right now and there is a lava lake at the bottom of the caldera.  There has also been some explosions recently.

Leslie's friends, Don and Teresa, and two of their children, met us at the park and we had a lovely picnic right next to the restrooms.

Don is a complete riot and told me that I should consider Rent-A-Kid as a viable option when you can't afford to bring your own children here.

He offered up both his children outside the lava tube.  

In fact, he told me I should frame this picture and hang it on my wall and tell the kids I was vacationing with my Rent-A-Kids.  He was kidding, I think.

Last night when we got home from another wonderful night at the Yacht Club, we noticed the door was down on one of the pig traps.  The Pig Trapping Guy told Leslie if the traps worked to stay very far away from them.  So we put Emma Rose to bed, got the flashlight, and went creeping down the road towards the trap.  It is PITCH DARK in Leslie's jungle when there is a cloud cover.

I was scared TO DEATH.

When got close to the trap, we suddenly heard an animal inside, which caused me to scream, then we both went running through the dark, shrieking.  We are fierce hunters.

As you can imagine, Leslie is thrilled to have one less dangerous pig roaming around her house, so there was a major adrenaline rush.  The Pig Trapping Guy is supposed to come early today, so hopefully I will get to document the Pig Removal before Leslie takes me to the airport.

I sure hope I don't miss the drama.

We Are Just Like The Gooney Bird

Harvesting tangerines.

Yesterday was Massage Day at Leslie's house, which means the Massage Guy was in town and Leslie's house becomes an open house, with all her friends coming and going.  There was good conversation and good food and we talked about everything from Korean Natural Farming and starting your own piggery, to the Gooney bird on Midway Island.

Leslie has some insanely interesting friends and I tried to suck all the knowledge out of their brains.

Bananas growing in Leslie's backyard.  

All the rage in Hawai'i right now is Korean Natural Farming and everybody is traveling to Korea and learning how to do it.  I'm totally going to do it when I get back to Vegas.  I'm going to be one up on the Hippie/Conspiracy Theorist and he's going to freak out.  Muhahahahahahahahahha.

Basically, what you do is grow your own indigenous microorganisms, which improves soil and allows the plants to take in fixed nitrogen easier.  I got the recipe from several of Leslie's friends.   I don't think we have any living indigenous microorganisms at my house because Greg has probably poisoned everything, so I am going to do this at Bob's house, which should yield a treasure trove of microscopic creatures.  I'm going to get a pig too.  You can grow them, stink free, with microorganisms.  I'm totally geeked about it.

Another interesting fellow who stopped by Leslie's talked about how his girlfriend is writing a book about the Northern Hawaiian Island chain and is currently on Midway Island studying the Gooney bird.  This is noteworthy, because he said that each Gooney bird parent takes turns watching the nest, while the other bird takes off for a week at a time.

"Ohmygosh!", I told him, "My husband and I are just like the Gooney bird!"

Leslie has chocolate growing in her backyard and has no intention of doing anything with it.  WHAT?

So I had no intentions of getting a massage, because I just happened to be here on Massage Day on accident and the people coming out of Leslie's back area were freaking me out.  A couple of them could not walk after their massage and they were all saying things like they had just read a Danielle Steele novel.  It was freaking me out

"I'm having an out of body experience.", someone said.

"I no longer feel like I am inside my body, but that my body is inside me.".

Ohmygod, WHAT?


"I feel so opened up and connected in ways I can't explain.", stumbled out another person.

"I'm floating.  I have to sit down."

By then, I figured there was no way I was doing whatever they were doing.  I've been fighting out of body experiences since I was eight.  But they all talked me into it and I had the massage.  It was good.  This guy really aligns you.  He told me my body had "held up well" given what I've done to it.   I think that was a compliment.  I can't be sure.  I'm happy to report that my spirit did not go floating out of me and I did not have a transcendental time, but I do feel a little taller and looser from all the manipulation.

When I talked to the kids yesterday, they were at Grammy's house and Gregory told me his very first and long-awaited tooth is wiggling and very loose.  I told him he better not lose his first baby tooth while I'm gone or I will be SO SAD.  But I am so happy for him that he will no longer be "a little baby, with little baby teeth."

I got a message on my phone from Austin's new soccer coach wanting to talk to me about practice.  UGH.

I'm going to stay here in Hawai'i and try and find my spirit before I go back to organized sports.

What's The New Game Plan?

We hung out in downtown Hilo yesterday and picnicked at Liliuokalani Park.

I kept imagining how much my kids would like this park.  I am going to have to bring them back to this place someday.  I was supposed to bring them all here when they turned seven, but Leslie and I both agreed that seven came entirely too soon for either of us and we are not ready.

So now we need a new game plan.  What age?  9?  10?   When I win Megabucks to get them all here?  I figured it would cost at least $3000 to fly all of us here and stay with Leslie, which would probably cause Leslie a permanent nervous tic and years of physical therapy to overcome our visit.  You wouldn't believe how quiet it is to have one child.  I know now because I have only one in the mornings.

The kids would LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it here though.  Leslie?  I promise to pay for your tic removal therapy.

While Emma Rose was in art class, Leslie and I shopped in downtown Hilo and went to the Farmer's Market., where we bought exotic fruit I have never eaten before.  I see this fruit in the Asian markets in Chinatown in Vegas, but I never knew how to eat them, so I have never bought them.

Star fruit is completely edible.  It doesn't have a skin to remove.   I think the kids would really like it.

Longon, which is Leslie's favorite, has a skin that has to be removed.  See.  I wouldn't have known that.  I would have bought it and tried to eat the whole thing, then I would have thrown up.

Rambutan looks like the fruit on an alien planet.  You remove the skin with the freaky alien hairs.  Who knew?  Not me, that's for sure.  This was my favorite and now I'll pick this up when I'm at the Asian grocery store.

After our day of shopping, we picked up some mango sticky rice and headed back to the Yacht Club for swimming and lounging.  I really like that place a lot.  Leslie's friends brought their family there and we ate mounds of guacamole and hummus and sticky rice and I'm going to have to go on the lettuce and water diet when I get home to flush all this food out of my system.  We all worked together to solve all the world's problems over a few drinks.  Leslie has the neatest friends.

We told them of all our crazy adventures, like the time Leslie and I strolled into the Mirage with a seven foot wagon and five children, three and under, and ate for free at the buffet.   And the two times we took the kids to Disneyland by ourselves.  What in the heck were we thinking?  Crazy people, we were.

Then when we got back to Leslie's, we saw a baby wild pig run in front of us as we were driving up Leslie's mountain and the dogs were going crazy.  The dogs continued going crazy for a couple hours and I was certain the pigs were going to attack the house.  The pigs have become a big problem on Leslie's property.  If Macario were here, those pigs would be so dead, it wouldn't even be funny.   They'd be eating pork every day of the week and twice on Sundays.

When I talked to the kids yesterday, Grammy was over babysitting them so Greg could go to the gym.  Isn't that awesome?  I hope Grammy comes over and babysits for me while Greg is on his Mancation.  I need a pedicure and a facial.

Now I must stop typing because Leslie's chickens are having a fit at my window because they want me to go out there and feed them.  If I lived here, my freezer would be full of animals.  I wouldn't even have to go to the grocery store.  I'd walk outside and get dinner.   BAM!

In Defense Of The Swimdress

My day began by hearing Leslie's chickens clucking outside my screened window.  Did you think you'd avoid chicken posts just because I was in Hawaii?  I think not.

I toured around Leslie's backyard while she continued to slumber.

Can you imagine if Gregory could get ahold of these vines?

We drove through Lava Tree State Park and over to the Ahalanui Warm Pond yesterday.

The Warm Pond is a geothermally heated pool of water.  I love this place.

Now I would like to introduce you to this year's swimdress.

In defense of the swimdress, I would like to state that it is extremely comfortable and your husband will allow you to go on exotic vacations, solo, because he is only worried that you might get hit on by 85 year old men. So stick that in your crackpipe, Helene and Nancy, and smoke it, girlies.

After a day of swimming, we cruised over to the Yacht Club for whale watching and more swimming for ER, while Leslie and I drank coffee and listened to the ocean.

Then we had sushi and I fell asleep at 9pm and slept for 9.5 HOURS of glorious, non-pig or frog interrupted sleep.

Greg took the kids to a baseball game last night.  I told Sarah to make sure that everyone had the proper attire on.  She's a little bit bossy like me, so I hope that they had a good time without freezing to death.

Now I must go as I have a seven year old bouncing me on my bed.  I just can't seem to get away from the seven year olds!!!

We Are Party Animals

I made it to Hilo after 11 hours of flying!!!  Woohoo!  When I got off the plane in Honolulu, my phone rang.  It was 3:30 in Las Vegas, so I answered and it was another parent calling to tell me that nobody had come to pick my children up after school.  

Greg was late!  

I was literally walking through the airport, calling Greg.  

"WHERE ARE YOU? WHY ARE YOU LATE?"

I would have to be either dead or in a coma before I would be late.  I think we can agree on that.  He said he was pulling up to the school and he wanted to know how in the heck I knew he was late?  Wasn't I on vacation?

"I have SPIES, Greg!", I yelled at him.  

I'm watching you, Focker.  

Leslie and Emma Rose picked me up, we stopped and got food, then headed to Emma Rose's PTA meeting. Greg said Leslie and I are party animals.  

I thought it would be a fun comparison.  You know, like comparing apples to rotten oranges. Emma Rose goes to a very prestigious Hawaiian private school, located on 350 acres of rainforest.

Emma Rose, who is only six weeks younger than my trio, is also in first grade.  Their PTA budget has 106,000 dollars in it.  Ours has $3000.  I got to meet her teacher, the principal, and a lot of the other parents of first graders there, and look inside her classroom.   In Hawaii, everyone kisses you when they meet you too, so it's like being molested at your PTA meeting.  Thank God I don't have to kiss the goon parents that go to my school.  Ack.

They even let their children look outside windows in their classrooms.  Can you imagine?  They see SUNLIGHT.  And get this.  They actually MAKE the food in the cafeteria.  Isn't that crazy?

It was fun.  I really enjoyed touring the campus.  This school is so hard to get into that I talked to the principal about their multiple's policy.  She said they often get one twin in and not the other.  Then when testing comes available, the twin that didn't get in can try again, so they currently have two sets of twins there, where the same-aged twin sibling is in a different grade because they didn't make the cut the first time.  They've never had triplets in the history of the school.

I fell asleep last night to the serenade of coquis, which have taken over the island since when I last visited.  I was awoken several times by Leslie's dogs, because it was a full moon and the wild pigs are running around like crazy on Leslie's 50 acre property here.

Where are Jerry and Bob and the guns when you need them?

Tales From The Garlic Eater

I am happy to report that Sarah's horrid gum issue has resolved itself.  She lost another top tooth and we did not have a repeat of last week's issue.  Whew.

I finally got an opportunity to work with Lerayshaun yesterday.  I forgot to mention it, but when I worked in the classroom during the Valentine's Day party, he made a point of repeating everything I said like Kermit The Frog.

"Hi.  How are you?", I asked.

Then he said, "Hi.  How are you?", like Kermit.

"Can I help you?", I asked.

"Can I help you?", Kermit mimicked.

So I dropped Austin off at school and we pulled Lerayshaun's desk out into the hallway and I went over the alphabet and helped him learn the sounds of the letters and how to write his letters.

This went swimmingly until he told me he had to poop and then disappeared inside the boys' bathroom for 15 minutes.  I sent a child in after him, because the day before, the kids came home from school and said he flushed the toilet until he flooded the bathroom and the janitor told him if he did it again, he'd have to help him clean toilets.

As you can imagine, I was slightly stressed when he didn't come out in a timely manner.

Then when he came out, he asked me what was wrong with my voice and why I sound weird?  Granted, I have a shrill voice, so I shrugged.  .

"My father is a frog.", I told him.

Before I continue this story, I should point out that I have been eating enormous amounts of salsa from the Mexican grocery store.  Austin's swim classes are across the street from Cardenas, and by golly, I am overdosing on fresh salsa.  It is SO GOOD.  I had chips and salsa for lunch yesterday.

"What sound does the H make?", I asked Lerayshaun.

Huh. Huh.  Huh.

"Do you ever brush your teeth?", he asked me, "Your breath stinks."

Too much garlic in the salsa?  Oops.

You guys could not believe how endearing this kid is.  I could just pinch his little cheeks.....until he stops breathing. 

So I whipped out my purse.

"Altoid?", I offered to share.

Admittedly, this is not one of my favorite volunteer jobs.  I can deal with insolent children every day without ever leaving my home.  Lerayshaun obviously did not get the memo that I am trying to SAVE HIM from a life of poverty and crime.

However, I will keep on keeping on.  If I let insolent children stop me, my children would only eat food that is brown.  It only took 3.5 years of diligently putting salad in front of Austin for him to start eating it.  He finally started eating salad a couple weeks ago!  I win, Austin!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, since I have lowered expectations, I was really pleased with the session.  The child is a bright kid and I bet if I don't give up, I can have him reading by the end of the year.  I do see potential.  I get that he is a product of his environment and he is testing me to see if he will get a rise out of me. The only real obstacle to reading for him is if his home life will remain stable enough for him to keep going to school.

On that note, I am out of here.  If you haven't been reading my blog for long, I am going to my friend Leslie's on the Big Island.  I was there three years ago with Sarah.  Leslie lost her husband to cancer over the summer and I tried to get there for Macario's memorial, but we were in Traverse City, Michigan at the time and I could not get a flight out because it was Cherry Festival.   So I vowed to go later, and now it is later.

Greg thought the kids started school at 9:45am when I asked him yesterday, so I have a detailed schedule on the refrigerator to "guide him", with a little note that if he packs Austin a sandwich, he and Andi and the kids can eat lunch in the park after karate on Friday.

"Austin's in karate?", he asked.

This is why I leave periodically.  Greg occasionally needs to come out of the Assisted Living Care Center and take charge.  It will keep him young, don't ya think?

What Says Love Like A Gallon Of Mayo?

The children brought home books they made at school for Valentine's Day.  I think it is important to note the things that the children defined as love in their seventh year of life

What says love, if not Sam's Club? Love is a gallon of mayo.

As opposed to the teacher they have at home, which would be me. 

We never do fun stuff at home, so I can understand.  

Cake and corn!  Yummy!

Dad sure is a lot of fun!

Best Friends Forever!

Love is for working hard with my dad, this one says.

Not one single mention of their dear old mom, the person who has spent every single day with them since they were born, killing herself to entertain them, teach them, and make a nice home for them to live in.    

We'll see how fun Dad is after he's had them 24/7 for a week.  I expect some major groveling when I get back.

The Day After

I dropped the children off at the gate yesterday morning.  They had their backpacks full of Valentines, a box of chocolates for their teacher, and Amanda was carrying a potted primrose they had picked out at Trader's, after 15 minutes of indecision in the store where everyone wanted something different.

Someone stole the flower while they were playing on the playground equipment.  Can you imagine?  What would they do with a potted plant?  Stick it in their backpack?  Give it to their own teacher?

Here is a stolen plant!  Happy Valentine's Day!

I put the word out that if any of the teachers received a primrose from Trader's, the giver is a THIEF.

Austin's teacher, who was called to jury duty but was hoping to be dismissed, did not get dismissed, and imagine the looks on the children's faces when their substitute came to open the gate and she was a Little Person.  The children were actually taller than her.

I told her, "Bless your heart for taking on 60 kindergartners and two Valentine's Day parties.  Mrs. H was probably the only prospective juror who didn't have an excuse to leave"

The Sub told me she was scared to death to take the job and actually prayed for strength.  That made us both laugh, because HELLO, 60 kindergartners on sugar overload!   If that doesn't require divine intervention, what does?

Interestingly, Greg and I were watching the news last night and there is a highly publicized murder trial that began jury selection yesterday.  I sure hope Mrs. H did not get called to serve on that jury because she'll be gone for a month.  If you are a local, it is the murder trial of the four year old boy who was left in the car by his family for 17 hours and died from heat exposure.  The family says they didn't notice he was missing for SEVENTEEN hours.  They are an LDS family and he was the youngest of five or six and they said they got home from church and nobody noticed he was missing until the following morning.  Nobody noticed a FOUR YEAR old child was missing.  

I'm so sure.  I wish I was on that jury.

Moving along, the other kids had a great party and the candy necklaces worked out really well.

Do you know why?  The teacher taped one end to the tables and nobody had a single spill or start over.   I would have never thought of that.  How brilliant!

The kids had so much fun yesterday.

I was exhausted.  Greg worked until 7pm and limped into the house with his bad back.

I woke up at 5:30 this morning and he was already gone.  He is trying to get everything he is doing wrapped up before I leave.

I am trying to get everything wrapped up as well and I'm out of time.  I do not have time to buy a new swimsuit, Helene and Nancy.  The swimdress is going to Hawaii.   Sorry, gals.

Was Today Valentine's Day?

Happy Valentine's Day!  We celebrated yesterday at Greg's mom's house, so I know you didn't expect to see Sarah's skin tooth today, on Valentine's Day, but here it is.

That is some serious shrinkage, isn't it?  I expect it to be gone by the time I get home from Leslie's.  What a relief.  Sarah told me that she has gotten used to it and will miss it when it is gone.  Ewwwwwwwwwww.

Greg's mom had chocolate-covered strawberries for the kids when we arrived.

Grammy sure knows how to spoil people.

Greg does not need reading glasses.  NOT!  He does not need them.  He just needs longer arms.

I'm so glad yesterday was so lovely, because today I need to be in two classrooms at the exact same time.  Austin's teacher got called for jury duty and we need to pull off a Valentine's Day party with a substitute.  But I'm the Room Mom for the other kids' room, which means I'm going to be running up and down the hallways.  Paging Mr. Clone.  Mr. Clone.

And I know it's Valentine's Day today, but I am running out of time before I depart on my trip and I'd like to leave my husband and children with a stocked pantry and a clean home.  I try to only clean on Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays, so today is not a day off.   Sadly.

Now check out the Valentines that my friend Laura texted me last night of her trio.

Aren't these the most clever things you have ever seen?  I could just die right now of jealousy.  Laura is always so super creative.  I am totally going to steal this idea for next year and when the other mothers are dying of jealousy, I am going to say the idea just CAME TO ME, because I'm just crazy creative and inspired like that.

Hope you all have a swell Valentine's Day with your loved ones.  And don't forget.  It's not the children's fault if they behave like zoo animals today.  It's the red dye.  Happy Red Dye 40 Day!