It Was Truly Scary

Greg got the kids' Halloween costumes this year.

My four are on the right. The cat that is dying, the swamp ghoul, the alien, and the Mistress Of The Dark.

It was a dark and warm evening as we made our way to Summerlin to trick or treat in the high density track homes.

As we piled our plates high with delicious morsels from the potluck with our friends, Sarah spied melted cheese on her plate. She performed a scene from The Exorcist on the back porch, as the half digested candy in her stomach spewed all over.

She quickly recovered once the offensive food was removed from her proximity.



And they were off into the night, as the parents and the party wagon with assorted adult beverages tried to keep up.



It was like a high speed race to get the most candy ever acquired by any one child.



Twenty pounds of candy, one lost pair of cat ears, one set of pee-soaked sweatpants, one discarded sweat-filled alien suffocation costume, and one swollen eyeball later, we were done.

Sarah said in the car on the way home, "This was the best night ever."

Insert high-pitched witch cackle.

Point Me To The Crazy

Do you read Mommy Blogs in a certain genre or is it random?

I would consider my blog as part of the Multiple Mommy Blogs, classified by sheer craziness. We don't even try to hide it, which is what makes triplet or more blogs so entertaining for me. Disaster and embarrassment are around almost every corner.

I also pop over to Mormon Mommy Blogs occasionally to see what sort of crafty things are going on. You guys are a bunch of crafting freaks, let me tell you. I also like getting good ideas on how to manage a large family on a budget.

Strictly for fun, I check in on some Attachment Parenting Mommy Blogs occasionally too. Watching grown women carry kids on their backs until they weigh 70 pounds delights me in ways I can't articulate.

I used to check in on a couple Quiverful Mommy Blogs, because I like to see the gradual, then eventual, mental breakdown that occurs when you have too many children, too quickly. It's like watching the show, Hoarding: Buried Alive, only with children.

I like to check on a few Crunchy Mommy Blogs so I can shudder when people make stuff like cloth toilet paper or have babies in their living room. But I also have gotten some good cooking ideas and food sources from those blogs, so if I can get past the gross, I've learned a few things.

I also like to pop once in a while over to the Homeschooling Mommy Blogs, where I have also picked up quite a few good ideas for stuff to do with my kids.

Then there are the Evangelical Christian Mommy Blogs. Those are the craziest ones of all in my opinion. The warped logic makes me sometimes go, "Huh? You can do that because you know you can just ask for forgiveness?" Slap! I've got your basketball net in my driveway now, dummy. Do you guys read the one that thinks God is telling her to take an extended vacation in an RV, with five kids under six? Ho ho ho. Can it get better than that?

So what other crazy genre of Mommy Bloggers are out there? What sect am I missing? Do tell. I would hate to think I'm missing a whole group of lunatics to learn from.

Fall Is In The Air

Fall in your neck of the woods might mean turning leaves and apple cider. Fall in the desert means watching beautiful sunsets in your lawn chair, while the kids play barefoot in the driveway until way after dark. When we took the train to Florence and were able to get a good luck at our Tuscan surroundings, it was amazing to see how desperately Las Vegas tried to become Italy, with our evergreens, olive trees, and Italian cypress. Our neighborhood is older and almost entirely comprised of those three species.

Do you think it was our earlier mob influence? Hey, let's turn Las Vegas into Italy!




Check out our newest, new basketball hoop that Jerry hauled home from a foreclosure. We don't have any basketballs with air in them because Greg keeps putting it next to the cactus. See paragraph one from the post from two days ago.



Fall in the desert means it is time to harvest pomegranates and bust them against the wall when your mom isn't looking and ruin all your clothes by digging out the seeds and smashing juice all over yourself. I have banished the children to eating pomegranates outside in the grass only.



Fall in the desert means it is time to make the pomegranate jelly.

This is the year, guys!!!! This is the year I get jelly and not a gallon of syrup. I know I can do it. I can.

I can.

I can.

Fall in the desert means the kids are home from school for FIVE DAYS because Halloween is a holiday here. It's a scary, scary holiday for me.

Saving The Children From Yucky Homemade Food

The kids are no longer allowed to bring in homemade food for school parties. It must be store bought. Per CCSD regulations, all food must be processed in a commercial facility.

Thank goodness. I would hate to think they might eat something not good for them.

This was Amanda's store bought and then decorated with store made items cupcake at her Halloween party yesterday. Mmmmmmmmm. Mmmmmmmm. Good.

Who You Calling Stupid?

I opened the paper yesterday morning to the glaring headline that Las Vegas has been proclaimed the Dumbest City In America.

No kidding. The good news is if you are just a little bit smart, you are a genius here. So I would like to high five my genius friends and neighbors! We're the best at something, right? We might be dumb, but we've somehow persuaded 40 million smarter people a year to come here and leave their money behind. Suckers!

Before I left on my trip, I introduced my chicken Bald Head back into the flock, only to have the other hens tear all her newly sprouted feathers out and leave her a bloody mess. It was horrible. Bob and I were discussing culling her to keep her from being murdered by the other chickens, when I called my neighbor Jo and she agreed to keep her in her garage until her friend "adopted" her.

I have a way of drawing people around me into my drama.

I haven't asked Jo how Bald Head is doing in her new home, but I am extremely grateful that Jo found her a home and we didn't have to kill her.


Now the hens are picking on my Barred Rock. Got any more friends, Jo? Chickens are MEAN. If they turn on another member of their flock, they kill them. I wonder if they have ever done cruises? I can't figure out which hen is the culprit. I really need to spend a couple hours over there. The roosters are not doing this, it is the other hens. However, I am not sure if they are doing it because of the roosters and warring harems? Chicken society is hard to figure out.

While I was gone, the Leghorn I got in May finally began laying. This bird is the industry standard for eggs in America and true to her breed, she has laid every single day. Her name is Foghorn Leghorn. The other Leghorn we got at the same time has not begun laying yet. I am almost certain it is because she has a penis and is a rooster. Oh, yes. ANOTHER ROOSTER. And we bought those two at the feed store and they were HENS.

My turkeys are now ready for slaughter.

Except I love them and I don't want to kill them. But they are getting so large they can barely walk and it will be inhumane to keep them alive. This breed is for meat production and is not a self-sustaining breed, just like the meat chickens we had. They get so big, their legs cannot support their body weight.

That hasn't happened to my boys yet though.

How could you not love this cute little guy? You would not believe how sweet turkeys are. My boys are so completely bonded to each other, if one cannot see the other one, they start calling for each other. I am going to insist that Bob slaughter them both on the same day. Turkey for everyone! There is no way that I think he should kill one and not the other. The one left alive would be so distressed.

The whole thing is giving me an ulcer. I don't think I can do turkeys again. They weigh around 30 pounds now, so I am really not sure how much longer we can prolong this. They won't fit in the oven and I don't want them to get to where they can't walk. Ugh. I know Finnskimo is going to want to see Bob chop the head off, but I think I'm going to disappear.

When I picked the kids up from school yesterday, Austin had a goodie bag he received at kindergarten. He laid it down next to his backpack to play and when we went to leave, it was gone. Someone had taken it. He cried and cried. He was so upset.

As soon as we got home, the girls flew into the kitchen, began opening and closing all the craft drawers, and started madly crafting. I had spent 2 hours organizing those drawers earlier, which never stay organized and why do I bother? See paragraph one.

The girls made him a new goodie bag. They got the ads out of the newspaper, cut them out and glued them on, then made him a little game, put a pencil and some erasers in, and Sarah wrote him a note.

Dear Austin,

I am so sorry you lost your goodie bag. I made you a new one.

Love,

Sarah

We may be a dumb people, but we are kind.

Whoa. Edited to add: I just saw a parallel between the goodie bag and my crazy cruise. Even though the original bag was gone, the girls created their own bag. So while it was not the great original bag, it was still great. Profound, huh? I am not even drinking, I swear, but these kids really are learning from me, their crazy mother. Be afraid.

Weird Random Stuff

One day the kids are going to read my neurotic ramblings about their school days and ponder, "Was mom smoking crack?"

Because while I'm over here obsessing over every detail, they actually love school. I mean, they love school. All four of them love it.

I thought I should throw that out there for them, since my reality in no way matches their reality.

Last night we were eating dinner and Amanda told us that a boy named Cash was teasing her and calling her names. Greg and I immediately started interrogating the other kids.

"Do you support your sister when this happens?"

"That's your sister, Gregory, you need to step up."

Sarah looked at us like we had five heads.

"Amanda put her fist up to his face and said, 'You want some of this?'", Sarah said.

Oh. Carry on then, children. Carry on. I guess they have it handled.

I jumped back into my kid-sharing duties yesterday by taking Emma and Austin to storytime at the library, where we discovered all the kids in costume and they even got to trick-or-treat around the library.



I have had Emma at my house, periodically, over the last fourteen months. I love her. She is just an absolutely delightful, respectful, quiet child. Emphasis on quiet.

Before I left on my trip, Greg asked me, "This is going to sound weird, but....... is Emma black?"

"Uh, yyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh.", I replied.

"But she's Mormon."

"That is true."

Long, long pause.

"I don't get it.", Greg replied.

See? I don't even ask questions. I just assume if there is only one Black Mormon family in the universe, of course I would know them. I just assume weird random things will happen to me all of my life.

Sometimes Emma forgets who I am and calls me Sister Michele, instead of Ms. Michele, my customary name. I don't even correct her, because it amuses me greatly to be called a Sister.

We were eating lunch on the back porch yesterday when she said, "Sister Michele? You are exactly like Sister H."

Really? Does Sister H drink gallons of coffee and wine?

"How is that, Emma?", I asked.

"You guys don't work. My mom works."

That is completely correct. I am not working at all when I'm watching her for free while her mother earns a living.

See? Just another random weird thing about me, Sister Michele.

Let's Stab Some People, Shall We?

I have been suffering from severe, butt-kicking, debilitating jet lag. I didn't get it on the way there, but I sure have had it now. I've been waking up at 2am, 3am, and finally today at 4:30am. In addition to the jet lag, Laurie, Aunt Sue, and Laurie's Sister have been extraordinary ill. I felt queasy one night, but not full-on sick like the other girls.

I'd like to give a shout out to my kids for that. They've been giving me the plague for six years, so I must have built up an immunity. Thanks, kids, for the endless nights of crawling to the toilet to puke. I knew you had my back all along.

I've also had trouble adjusting back into my routine. You know you had a great vacation when you come home and can't believe you still live there.

Wait, I live in this dump? Were all these dirty handprints always on that door? What?

The kids did extremely well with Greg. Greg held it all together, kept up on the homework, fed them mounds of crap, and they all seemed happy to me. I went to the store immediately and bought 10 pounds of fruits and vegetables, which they consumed in two days.



Sarah turned into the little mother of the other three. I turned around yesterday and she had whipped up a fruit salad for her siblings. She learned to use a knife when I was gone?

I walked to the school with the kids yesterday, carrying a pumpkin, and wearing my fabulous silk scarf from St Paul De Vence. The teacher had asked for donated pumpkins. It was while waiting to carry it into the classroom that I overheard the chaos regarding the hiring of a new first grade teacher.

Here is how our school district works. On one magical day in September, we have Count Day. All of our funding comes from this day, regardless of how many students you may pick up or lose throughout the year. So Count Day determines how many teachers you will have. We are only supposed to have 16 students in first grade, but due to budget cuts, our legislature agreed to move that number up to 18. My kids currently have 23 in their class.

Based on the number of kids we had in kindergarten last year, it was quite evident to me that when I divided them by four first grade teachers, we were going to have too many kids in the classrooms. Call me a genius. But instead of hiring a teacher ahead of time, the district makes you wait for Count Day, so that they can sit on that money for an extra three months without hiring a teacher.

So now, five unlucky kids from each class will get shuffled over to a new teacher that is being fished out of the Teacher Surplus. If you are still in the pool in November, it is because YOU SUCK.

But, Michele, why aren't you happy that the classrooms will be smaller? Do tell.

I'll tell you right now. Smaller classroom sizes are a joke and the great American lie. You could have 10 children in the classroom and if you get a shitty, ineffective teacher, they will not learn more. I see that clearly with Austin's teacher this year. Austin has an incredible, phenomenal teacher this year. She has 36 students in her morning class and 30 in her afternoon class. She is teaching those kids stuff right now that my other kids didn't learn until APRIL last year, because we had a surplus teacher, with no experience and no classroom management skills.

An effective teacher can teach more children, just like an effective parent can parent more children. Having MORE mediocre teachers is what is stifling and bankrupting our education system. We should have less teachers and pay the good ones MORE, so we get good, quality teachers in the classroom.

The kids' teacher is also phenomenal and more than capable of teaching 23 kids. I also think she should make 20 grand more a year. So if my kids are the unlucky ones that get shuffled over to the new inexperienced, still in surplus in November teacher, I am going to go ape shit.

"Did you know they are hiring a new teacher?", I asked Greg.

He had no clue.

"Did Daddy drop you guys off at the gate, or did he walk in with you every day?", I asked the kids.

"Gate."

If you want to know what is going on at your children's school, here is my number one piece of advice. GET OUT OF YOUR CAR.

I then went home and returned a call I got while in Europe to discover that even though Austin graduated from needing any special services from the school district over a year and a half ago, they STILL have him listed as an IEP student needing special education. A YEAR AND A HALF LATER. Nobody bothered to do the paperwork. I wonder if the school got funding for that last year?

And while I spoke politely and calmly to the newest, new lady, in my head I was silently screaming, "If you don't get this paperwork done, I am going to stab you."

Shortly thereafter, I spoke to my triplet mom friend Laura, only to discover that due to Count Day, her children are also being shuffled around and have gotten a new teacher, who doesn't know them now, and is essentially starting all over, and when all is said and done, her kids will lose half a year, like mine did last year.

Then Laura said something to me and truer words were never spoken. She said, "You work so hard to get them to this point. You love them. You nurture them. You kill yourself to do everything right. Then you have to hand them over to people who don't even care about them."

Gosh, she is so correct. Our beloved children are nothing more than cattle the district shuffles around at will. Go with the flow, or get stampeded.

Let's climb up on our horses, dig in our spurs, grab our whips, and start taking back our kids' education.

Or we could stab people. Either would work for me.

Drop Me Back Off In The Ocean

You know what? I can handle being stranded in the ocean better than I can handle the idiocy and incompetence of the Clark County School District.

My kids have only been in school for 20 minutes and my heart is racing, my head is ready to explode, and I want to maim someone.

TALK ME DOWN. TALK ME DOWN. TALK ME DOWN.

In My Dreams

Laurie called me yesterday to let me knew she got word that in addition to receiving a full refund for our ill-fated Celebrity Century cruise, they are now also offering to reimburse us our full original air fare costs, including up to $250 in fees for changing our tickets, and up to $100 in any cell phone charges we incurred getting home.

I'll drink to that!!! Wow. I could really use that money back, so I am very, very happy to hear about it.



Do you know what that means? That means my trip was FREE for me.

I would also like to toot the horn of British Airways. Check out my gluten-free dinner. They treat their customers like royalty, providing all-you-drink liquor and all-you-can-watch movies. I watched Clash Of The Titans, Karate Kid, and Robin Hood on the way to Denver. I really recommend using and bringing your own iPhone headset.



I want to go back to England and see more of that splendid green country.

I also want to toot the horn of the beautiful and luxurious accommodations we had. In London, we stayed at Hotel Sofitel at the Heathrow airport. Imagine how awesome it was for us to not get in a taxi and lug all our luggage to a different location. We just walked to the right of terminal five and there was our hotel.

In France, we stayed in Le Meridien, and you could not have asked for a better location and view.

In Rome, we had four nights in Hotel Savoy. This hotel was absolutely beautiful and our rooms were gorgeous.



These are all my cell phone pictures, if you can't tell. I learned before my trip to make sure and turn off my fetch, push, and leave my iPhone in airplane mode to avoid coming home to a several thousand dollar phone bill for international roaming charges.



That sure would have put a damper on my otherwise completely bizarre, yet somehow completely fun and satisfying trip. I am disappointed that we didn't get to see Naples, or Venice, or Croatia, but I have no doubt that someday I will get back.

I also want to toot the horn of our travel agent at AAA. He worked endlessly to make sure we were able to continue our trip and find hotels and flights, even answering his personal cell phone throughout the weekend. He deserves the biggest pat on the back ever.

While I was gone, Sarah's two bottom teeth came in completely crooked. One is literally sideways.

Maybe I'll only be returning to Europe in my dreams, while sitting in the orthodontist's office.

My Vacation Is Over

I am happy to report that after 27 hours, I am home. What a trip!

We left our hotel in Rome yesterday morning at 8am for our 11:40am flight to London. The Rome airport is really packed, so we did not want a repeat of our train debacle.

After arriving, we discovered that our flight was delayed due to France. The planes were be routed around France, up over Germany, and it was adding time to every flight. France is just a mess right now. We are very fortunate that we got out of there when we did.

From my American point of view, they are behaving like children. The whole rioting mess is over raising the retirement age from 60 to 62. Good God. Really? People are living to a 110 these days, don't they get that?

So we arrived in London, only to have to go through customs and security again to board our 10 hour flight to Denver. Then when we got to Denver, we had to go through customs, get our bags, re-check our bags with Southwest, go back through security, then get to our gates. I had a 3 hour layover and didn't get to Vegas until midnight.

If you've never had the pleasure of being on a Friday night flight to Vegas, WOOHOO EVERYONE IS GOING TO VEGAS, BABY. Which is really fun if you are one of the drunk fools heading here, not so much when you've been up for 24 hours.

Then I stood in an hour line to take a cab home and arrived around 1am last night, only to be awoken at 6am with four ecstatic and happy children to find their mother is truly home.

I missed them so much. Austin looked like he grew 2 inches.

It was sort of a shock to see the size of Americans when I got off the plane in Denver. We sure are a big people compared to people in Europe. Also, the women in Italy spend so much more detail to their clothing and looks. Roman women are quite beautiful and one would never describe them as slovenly.

I am already missing the laid back attitude in Italy too. I want to hold on to that attitude, but I just looked in the refrigerator and noted the same exact petrified veggies are in the crisper from two weeks ago.

My vacation is over. Back to my normal boring life.

Here's A TIP For You

We had a wake-up call for 6am today so we could get up in time to get ready, eat breakfast, and get to the train station by 8:15am. I don't know how you last minute sleepers stand it. When that phone rang at 6am and I was in a deep slumber, I felt one degree away from having a heart attack as I stumbled around in the dark. I have never used an alarm clock in my life. I just wake up when my body detects light and I get ready leisurely HOURS before I have to be anywhere.

We busted a move and got to breakfast on time and then we asked the concierge if we should take a taxi or walk to the terminal.

"You could walk.", he said, "It's just-a five-a minutes."

HO HO HO.

Everything is FIVE MINUTES in this city. Five minutes, MY BUTT. Thirty minutes later, we had 4 minutes to get on the train. We RAN into the terminal to discover there were NO TRAINS leaving to Florence aka Firenze on the board. We RAN FROM SIDE TO SIDE TO SIDE screeching for someone to help us.

SECONDS before the train departed, a kind English-speaking gentleman detected the train to MILAN was our train. We didn't realize our train continued on after our stop.

We literally ran down and jumped onto the train as the doors were closing. Only on my return trip, did I realize we jumped right into first class and rode there in it. We had no idea. I just thought the trains in Italy were REALLY, REALLY NICE.



When we got to Florence, we met my fake internet friend, Valeria. I have "known" her for several years online. She has three year old triplets and a six year old singleton. She brought one of her triplets with her and her American friend, just in case I was a psycho hairy man from Montana. Her husband was like, "You are doing WHAT? Meeting Americans WHERE?"



We had so much fun. We talked about all the crazy triplet moms we know online. You know who you are. The world is a very, very small place, if you think about it.



Valeria's triplets are three, which is by FAR the absolute worst age thus far in my parenting experience. There is a reason there is a book out there called, Three Years Old: Enemy Or Friend? I came all the way to Florence to make sure she knows, it gets better. Much, much better.

Her daughter, Vera, is a dream child though. She has such a great disposition. Valeria left her pack of boy wolf children with her mother. God bless her. I've seen videos of these boys.



We declared it cocktail hour at 11:45am.



And, again, at 1pm, when GJ, short for Giovanni Junior, needed to eat. This was Valeria's friend's son and this kid could go head-to-head with Austin in an eating challenge any day. I could actually see the two of them co-hosting Man Vs Food someday.

Then we went to leave, Valeria told us it is not customary to leave a tip. Just a few euros.

OHMYGOD, WHAT????!!!!!

We've been leaving everyone is Europe the normal 20 percent tip we leave in America. NO WONDER THE WAITERS HAVE BEEN KISSING US. We just thought we were REALLY HOT!!! We've given EVERYBODY tips.



I'm not sure if we were more upset about spreading an extra 3 or 4 hundred euro around or that we are not hot.



Anyway, it was a lovely, lovely day and I was so glad to meet Valeria in real life and explore Florence.

But I'm full-up on penises now. I've never seen so many naked penises in my life. I have to get back to Vegas, where we are more conservative.

Where I Go All Gladiator On You

We have been lucky to awake to a beautiful breakfast spread every day provided in the cost of our hotel room, which is somewhat making up for the lost food we are not getting on our cruise. Laurie shoved a few croissants in her purse today on the way out the door just to get us by. I can imagine we would have rolled out of the ship had we stayed on the cruise. We have done so much walking over the past two days, all of our clothes are hanging on us.

I finally figured out our direction and place in the world and we were able to navigate our way all over the city today.



After strolling through the Dolce Vita, we stopped by the Pantheon. Half of the outside of the building is currently under restoration, so we only got half the view.



But the inside was incredible. This picture does not do it justice. It is MASSIVE in there. We were absolutely floored by it. We read it was the oldest intact church in the world? Is that correct? And the marble floors are 2000 years old? Is that right? I have limited internet and am writing this post offline, so I can't check it myself. We saw so much stuff today, it is hard to remember anything, so feel free to share your knowledge and correct me.

We did an enormous amount of shopping today as well. Would you believe Aunt Sue and Laurie were looking for boots? Like HOW MANY SHOES DO YOU NEED?

But these girls are the most awesome people ever to travel with. Nobody is uptight or in a hurry. We know how to pace ourselves. That means every two hours, we make a pit stop for caffeine or alcohol or food.

Once we got to the Piazza Navona, we found a great outdoor cafe and we split a bottle of sparkling wine and had espresso and pasta and pizza. And, yes, I've been eating gluten lest I die here, because there is nothing else to eat. I have been getting progressively more achey and yucky feeling every day, but I've only got two days to go and I figure I'll go on a major detox at home.

Look! A Murano glass rooster wine stopper!!!!! And it's all mine!

After our 1.5 hour pit stop, cuz good luck ever getting a check here, Italians are on a completely different time schedule and they must be related to Hawaiians, we began a 2 mile trek to the colosseum.

This building, the Vittoriano, is just amazing. We came around the corner and there it was and we were shocked and amazed by its beauty.

Has anyone seen the colosseum?

I have to say that I have embraced the pashmina scarf. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE them and I will be wearing one every day with my black shirts. All 32 days a year that it is cold enough in Las Vegas, I will, gosh darn it.
Can you tell what a riot Aunt Sue is? Here we are at the Arch of Constantine. She promised her Jewish husband of 27 years that we would never be without a guide on any excursions from the ship.

"Don't worry.", she told him. "We will always have an escort."

And it's true. I escorted her right over to the wine being sold out of a roadside stand right before this picture.

When we couldn't find Laurie, Aunt Sue said, "If I were Laurie, where would I be? Oh, yeah, I would be taking pictures of myself."

And we turned around and there was Laurie, taking a picture of herself. Gosh, she's good.

So we stood in line and went in, but what a LONG day.
We imagined the scene from Gladiators as we envisioned Russell Crowe being thrown to the lions.

Greg's mom always says, "Gosh, times are getting so worse. It will never be like it used to be."

That's for sure. I promise not to throw you in with the lions, Barb. If you look at the artwork, things used to be downright barbaric back in the day.

From the colosseum, we went in the subway to make it to the Termini exit to buy train tickets for our daytrip to Florence tomorrow. Yikes, what a crush of humanity at rush hour. Then we had to navigate ourself up from the depths of hell to find the train station, purchase tickets and then go back down to find another subway to go back to our hotel room. Although that seems easy, the whole process took almost 2 hours and we were clearly running low on food, alcohol, and caffeine.

We limped in tonight like wounded soldiers. All I can say is that I would have never survived back in Roman times. I would have just laid down and let the lions eat me.

When In Rome.......

Before leaving Nice on Monday, we purchased and printed vouchers to see the Vatican today at noon.



That was the smartest move ever, because the people who did not prepay on the internet were in a 3 hour line. We just walked right in front of everyone and showed our voucher and walked in.

Rome is a constant madhouse and the Vatican is pretty darn busy too. We toured the Sistine Chapel first, making our way through a maze of rooms full of statues.

Check it out. Nursing in public is so retro.

Looks like someone was having a bad hair day.

Next, we entered the part with the beautiful ceilings.

You could easily fall down from looking up for so long. It was so beautiful.

After our 2.5 tour, we walked across the street and lunched at a cafe, while watching nuns and priests come and go. Then we headed to St Peter's Basilica.

Where Aunt Sue got in touch with her inner Christian.

We can not for the life of us figure this city out and have resorted to taking cabs everywhere. None of the streets are straight and we sort of just walk around like transients until we see a cab to take us where we want to go.

We did stumble upon the Trevi Fountain tonight by accident.

Our only mishap all day was that I lost my sunglasses. I picked up another pair for 10 euro.

I also saw this and thought, JERRY.

I can't wait to see him grilling in this classic.

I talked to Greg briefly this morning as he was running out the door to take all the kids to school today.

"Are they better?"

"I don't know, but they are going to school.", he told me.

Geez, I sure wish I was at home in that mess instead of on our cancelled cruise tour. NOT!

Homeless In Europe: Part Two

.

Yesterday, we got to the airport and discovered Laurie's and Aunt Sue's excessive baggage weight would be 133€ and 210€, respectively.

After an hour flight, we hired a shuttle to make the nearly hour drive from the airport to North Rome. Our driver laughed and laughed and laughed at our situation. He told us that he once scheduled a sailing trip, was on the plane, when he got word the boat had sunk in Greece.

People drive crazy here. Greg's mom would have to shut her eyes and just hang on. At one point, we were in a narrow alley and almost running people over.

Our driver smacked his forehead, "I gotta baby over here and a old-a man over there. Mama Mia."

he was like our own tour guide though and he pointed out a lot and told us how to get around.

Then we got to our hotel room and discovered we had no reservation and no rooms.

"Can we stay in the stables?"

While Laurie got on the phone to our travel agent, Sue and I bellied up to the hotel bar and Giovanni hooked us up with lots of vino.

"You can sleep right here.", he told us.

We had two older American men offer us room with them too.

"I'm sure we can work out a price.", he said.

Finally, we got a new hotel and loaded all our luggage up into two cabs. Our new hotel is much nicer and right on the Dolce Vita stroll and a block from the Trevi Fountain. We have tickets to see the Vatican at noon.

I also need to scope out a free wifi connection so I can upload pics.

Then we ate dinner on the rooftop of our hotel and laughed and cried and laughed about our crazy childhoods. Laurie's grandmother fled in the night with five of her children and lived in one bedroom in her sister's house in Tucson. My parents married and divorced TWICE. Laurie and I have both lost our mothers. See what happens when we get too much vino?

Anyway, poor Greg had the night from hell. After returning from dinner at his mom's house, both the girls started puking and pikes the whole night. Amanda threw up in her doll house, trying to find the bucket. Sarah threw up all over her bed, Greg's bed, the hallway and the bathroom. Greg said he threw all the comforters in the driveway and hosed them off.

Gregory and Austin are the only ones that went to school.

Somehow, my day pales in comparison to Greg's. My worst day in Europe does not even equal an average day at home.

Where I Go All Medieval On You

This is the view from our hotel, Le Meridien, on the French Riviera. The hotel is absolutely beautiful. We could have done far worse, let me tell you.



Yesterday, we woke up to rain and a huge drop in the temperature. It has been in the low 70s and it plummeted into the 50s. Fortunately, we have Laurie's 72 pounds of clothing to choose from. So we bundled up and jumped on a bus to St Paul de Vence, a walled medieval city. We just jump on buses now. It costs one Euro and you can go wherever you want. Again, I have to toot the European transportation horn.

The magestic city sits atop a mountain with gorgeous panoramic views of the surrounding countryside.



How would you like be Laurie's Frumpy Friend your whole life?



It's a tough job, but I manage.



Fortunately, my friends Helene Slutsky and Misti gave me a heads up about wearing rubber-soled shoes when walking up and around these wet cobblestone streets. It is very slippery.

We were moved beyond words in the cathedral there.

I lit a candle for Austin and Mrs. S from Chicago and her daughter Debra.

Then we found a little cafe and drank wine and laughed at the fact a fourteen year old boy was running the whole place with his dog. He served us wine, beer, and cooked our food. We are SO UPTIGHT in America. People are so much more laid back here. I wonder if our litigious tort system has made us a people with a chronic wad up our ass?

When we listened to this impromptu choir group from the UK, I was moved to tears.

"That's just the wine, you bitch.", Laurie laughed at me.

I have been able to walk around everywhere and pick up free wifi on my iPhone. I was Skyping with Greg right across the street from the girls as they waited for the bus back to Nice.

The kids told me Daddy bought a TV for the KITCHEN and they were walking around Home Depot when I called them.

Today, we are off to Rome on Blue Panoramic airlines. A one way ticket was 57 Euros. We are staying in a hotel for 4 days there and making one day trip on Thursday to Florence by train, where I am going to hook up with a triplet mom I know, Valeria.

Can't wait to see what the excess baggage charge is.