Don't Read In Front Of Your Sibling

We had the Old Lady Substitute again yesterday. The kids have been getting tested over the last week, so she's been subbing so the teacher can test them.

After school, I had the opportunity to talk to the sub, and she told me she was amazed that the kids don't interact with each other in class, or even seem to connect with each other on the playground. This doesn't surprise me, because I've often wondered about the "triplet bond" and why my kids don't seem to have it. They don't even act like they know each other.

I had you all in my uterus at the same time, could you at least act like you are related?

Then in the very next breath, the Sub said, "I have never seen a principal keep multiples together in all my years of teaching. What are you going to do next year when we separate them?"

I didn't plan on it, based on what I've seen of our selection of teachers. I plan on having the best one. Every year.

Then she went on to tell me, "When we pulled Amanda out to test her, she said, 'I just want you to know that I don't read as well as Sarah.'. She wouldn't know that if she was in her own class."

Okay. SERIOUSLY? How would she not know that? If she lived in a DIFFERENT HOUSE? How could she NOT know that? Sarah has been reading since she was FOUR. Sarah reads TO her. How would she not know Sarah can read better? It is common knowledge.

Shhhhhhhhh. Don't read in front of your sister.

It is also common knowledge that Gregory is a superior athlete. It is also common knowledge that Amanda is by far a superior artist. We just KNOW this in our house. As do you, if you have read this blog for more than five minutes. There is no malice in it. It's just the way it is. We have never made anyone feel bad about it.

I've never said, "Gregory has been riding a bike without training wheels for a year already, what's your problem?"

I've never said, "Why do your drawings look like a two year olds?" to Gregory, when I have to peer closely at Amanda's to see if I am looking at something she drew, or if she colored a picture that was printed out from the computer.

I've never said, "How come Sarah can read chapter books, Amanda, and you still struggle with simple phonics?"

And it's true. Amanda does still struggle with simple reading. She just. doesn't. get. it. The other two can just look at the context of the sentence and determine the logical next word. Amanda can't do that. The other two can do anagrams and determine which ones to conquer first by how many letters are in the word. Amanda can't do that. She can look at the same word over and over and over and not remember it.



Yet, she can take the simple geometry patterns on her math homework and she just aces them. She SEES patterns in everything. Her brain does not work the same as the other children. I don't know if it is because she is a left-handed, right-brained individual or what, but she is the complete opposite from me.

I struggle to get her. Greg is a left-handed, right-brained person and he gets her. He understands her so much more than I do.

I just know what I see. I watch her, and when she is drawing or creating, it's like she goes into a trance. And it's not like she just enjoys it. It is like she is DRIVEN to do it. It's like she needs to do it, like we need to eat.

And it bothers me that her intellect will be determined by a standardized test that will never accurately measure her. And it bothers me and worries me to no end that maybe she isn't as smart as the other kids. God only knows, half the people in my father's family are "functionally retarded." If you are capable of reading this and in my family, I'm probably not talking about you. Did she get dealt a genetically bad hand?




If you have more than one child, you know what I'm talking about. What wouldn't we sacrifice to give all our children an equal footing? Knowing one may not measure up is like taking a sucker punch over and over and over. It hurts. And I hate it.

But I can tell you as certainly as I know the sun will come up today, that the competition we have in our family right now is positive. Amanda would not be where she is if she didn't have Sarah and Gregory pushing her. She just wouldn't care. It's not important to her. The only thing keeping her even sort of caring is that she doesn't want to feel left behind. It makes her try harder.

My 12 year old niece recently asked her social studies teacher if she could get community service credit for tutoring her brother?

Her brother is FOURTEEN. She wants to tutor her OLDER brother.

Do you think my niece and nephew KNOW that one of them is doing better academically?

Didn't you get the memo, Nancy? You should have separated them.

Shhhhhhhhhhhh. Don't read in front of your brother.

Now keep in mind while reading this post, compared to the other kids in their class, Amanda is still far ahead of the academic curve. So I have to try and keep that in context with our family academic curve. She is not behind in class at all.

So I reiterated this entire story to Greg last night and he said, "Why didn't you tell the substitute she isn't even smart enough to be a real teacher and shut her goddamn mouth?"

OMG. I hope they don't have parent/teacher conferences when I'm gone.

EDITED TO ADD: My triplet mom friend Misti reminded me right now to ask you guys to vote for her Preschool Co-op to get a grant from Pepsi to build a new playground. If they are in the top 10, they will get the money. They just slipped from six to seven, so if you vote for them, I would really appreciate it. Here is the link.

Just Call Me Bossy

Jerry brought home this vintage Sears & Roebuck porcelain tea set from a foreclosure last week.



If this blog is still around someday for the children to look at, they might be interested to know how the Great Recession effected people. People lost their belongings in the Great Recession, kiddos. I imagine when a person is being evicted from their home, they have to decide what is of the greatest importance to take with them, and tea sets from 1964 are just not something that makes the cut.

The girls were thrilled and we set the table and had tea and cream and sugar and dunking biscuits. The girls even invited the boys. So every day continues to be Christmas for the S kids as long as "Uncle" Jerry keeps cleaning out foreclosures for a living.

If only the people who abandoned their things knew how much joy we are getting out of them and that they didn't end up in the landfill. I still have the Christmas bulbs and the vintage handbags. Not to mention a thousand skateboards and scooters and bikes and OHMYGOD, forget the landfill, we need another garage sale.

I got up at 6:30 this morning and didn't have time to blog before school. That is WAY late for me. Then I had two kids with snotty noses and I went back and forth over sending them to school. Should I? Shouldn't I? They didn't have temperatures, so I Motrin-ed them up and sent them anyway. Now I'm afraid to venture too far from home in case the school calls.

Which has me completely freaking out about going on the cruise. I have literally not felt happy or excited AT ALL. The thought of leaving my family for 16 days has me in a complete panic. What if they all get sick while I'm gone? You guys, I AM FREAKING OUT.

Sarah told me last week, after we were hanging out with my lesbian friends, "I'm so glad I don't have TWO moms."

"Really? Why?", I asked her.

"Because then I'd have TWO people bossing me around all the time."

Oh, yeah? That's how she pictures me? Bossy?

I've got news for her, I just watched the new reality show, Sister Wives, yesterday, and I'm about to go find a sister wife to take over here while I'm gone. Who else watched this? Let's talk about it. That link give you the full episode.

I have a feeling that Sarah will have a whole new appreciation for her Bossy Mom by the time I get back. She may even wish she had two moms after Fun Dad morphs into the primary caregiver and has one of his epic Hissy Fits. The neighbors can hear Greg when he was a blow-up. Right, Jo?

But I am going to try and not think about it. Much.

I Will Make You Into Soup If You Don't Listen

I have a chicken living on the side of my house in a cage.



I finally had to take Bald Head out of the flock completely. Her entire back is torn open from the rooster's spurs and she can't heal, because every time it starts looking better, she gets gang-raped and those spurs tear her open again. Those roosters are brutal. I really dislike them.

Bald Head has been at our house for two days and I noticed little baby pin feathers starting to sprout on her head and back. If she would just get her feathers back, the spurs wouldn't be digging into her skin. As much as I despise keeping her caged up, I know that the average laying hen is stuck in a cage of the same size with three to four other chickens for the entirety of its miserable life. This will just be a short jaunt until she gets better.

Bob has a friend and his wife visiting and staying with him. The man is on leave from some elite force of the military and he hypnotised Brownie/FlavorFlav/Usedtobeaguinea and when he was asleep, he chopped his head off.
I didn't see it, but Bob said he rubbed his beak with his thumb, then rubbed it on the ground, and the rooster closed its eyes and began sleeping. Then he laid it down and WHACK. So Brownie/FlavorFlav/Usedtobeaguinea never saw it coming.

I wonder where that guy learned that technique?



I brined him for 24 hours and then I've aged him in the refrigerator for 24 hours and I'm going to cook him today. I am hoping since he was asleep when he got the axe, the meat won't be stringy or tough. If an animal has a lot of adrenaline during death, it makes the meat tougher, according to the experts in my meat chicken support forum.

Maybe I should print that picture out and show it to my other two roosters and send them a message.

"If you rape my girls, I will turn you into chicken and dumplings. You have been warned."

Their Luck Has Run Out

I let it go last week, but on the day I dropped the snacks off in the kids' classroom, they had a substitute. She was like 117 years old and had no idea what was going on. It was chaotic.

I told her I would carry the snacks in for her and we proceeded to the classroom, when we were approached by two students. One of them was in my kids' class. He told her he needed to go to the lunchroom and eat because he hadn't eaten since the day before.

"You should have already eaten! It's too late. You need to get in class.", she YELLED at him.

And he started CRYING and told her he was SO HUNGRY.

And I'm standing there with 150 snacks. Do you even understand? I started freaking out inside my head. Could I steal him and feed him? Could I slip him five granola bars? What could I do??!!!!!!!!

Then the other boy chimed in, "Our bus was late. We couldn't eat. We just got here."

Then she still wouldn't let them go.

She was seriously cross with this kid. This is the part where I tell you he was Black. This is the part where I tell you that I have noticed an indifference by some of the people who work at the school towards the minority kids. I am there EVERY day and I see it. And don't for a second think that I don't know that in a few years, I may be indifferent when my kids are getting their asses kicked on the playground by these same kids. But right now, this second, it hurts me as a person to know that there are kids who aren't getting food and they sit next to my kids in class.

These are just little kids. They haven't been hardened by their lives yet. I cried the ENTIRE MORNING last week.

The good news is that someone came by and told the Old Lady Substitute to let the boys go eat because they were "trustworthy" and could be trusted to walk to the lunchroom and back, even the though the Old Lady Substitute looked at them as though they might try to burn the school down out of her sight.

And, amazingly, the day after I dropped the snacks off and they were distributed, the kids came home and said that nobody got in trouble that day. First day ever. Which could have been a coincidence, but I like to think that a child with a full tummy is less likely to act out. And while my kids truly do not need a snack at all, I realize that some of these other kids may only be eating at school. And that snack may count as one of their daily meals.

And I also realize that I will be subsidizing the kids that have plenty of food to eat at home, but just don't bring a snack to school. But what can you do? We are far from rich people ourselves, but it just seems like the right thing to do.

Meanwhile, back on the urban ranch, my kids waste so much food, I had to get chickens to eat all the cast-offs. I finally got around to using up the apples we got at the orchard last week and made a big pot of applesauce.



The worst part of making applesauce is peeling the apples. I told this to my friend Misti and she said, "Don't you have the Pampered Chef peeler/corer?"

Uh, no. No, I do not.

But I read a canning blog and they cut the apples up with the skin on and boiled them for 2 minutes and the skin peeled right off.



And it worked! The chickens and turkeys went nuts for the skin too.



Then I covered the apples with water and added sugar and cinnamon and boiled it for awhile.



Then used my potato masher and it sure is yummy! Now I can add this as a treat in their lunchboxes this week.

Amanda told me last week, "We are so lucky to have a mom that sends us such yummy lunches every day. Nobody eats those yucky hot lunches. They had this gross cheesy smelly thing and Sarah almost threw up when she saw it."

Poor kids. I leave in less than 2 weeks. Their luck has run out. I hope nobody yells at them on their way to the lunchroom.

I Could Have Been A Pioneer If They Had iPhones

We went to Spring Mountain Ranch for Pioneer Day yesterday. Doesn't the backdrop look like Zion National Park?

Ohmygosh, Amanda nearly swooned and fainted over the homemade pickles and pickled eggs. This girl loves pickled stuff. I pack a pickle in her lunch almost every day now.

Austin learned how to make his own rope.

The other three learned to make candles.

In the one room schoolhouse, the teacher asked for a volunteer, so Austin went up and she demonstrated what it was like to "get the switch" for disobeying in class. The kids were hysterical.

They learned to wash clothes on a washing board. Don't you think Greg should start washing our laundry this way to save money on electricity to pay for his motorcycle?

There was a lady there spinning goat hair into yarn and making rugs. SEE??? Goats, dudes. Where is my goat?

Did you know there is a natural spring-fed lake there and it is home to the endangered Pamrump Poolfish? Me neither.

The kids lit their candles last night and we sat and pretended it was the olden days and we didn't have any electricity.

Until everyone wanted to watch TV before bed and my sister called on my iPhone, then we were magically transported back to 2010.

I'm Surprised Those Women Don't.........

After dinner last night, I turned the a/c in the car on full blast, because it was still THAT hot at dusk, and we drove over to the park to meet my friends and their trios for a bonfire, complete with marshmallow and apple roasting and ooey gooey S'mores.



The minute we had our backs turned, Austin and his surrogate possee made a mad dash for the sprinklers. That's one way to cool off, right?



While we were by the bonfire, these two women came up and started drilling Laura's husband Don about the kids. He told them they were three sets of triplets.

"So they must run in your family?", one of the women asked.

Uh, yeah, we're all sister wives and Don is DA MAN.

Don told her we were all friends.

"You're all friends and you all have triplets? I don't understand."



The ladies stayed and continued drilling Don for another 15 minutes, and as they walked away, Laura overheard one of them say, "I'm surprised those women don't......"

Then Laura couldn't hear the end of the sentence.

I'm surprised those women don't.......... WHAT?

"Let's fill in the blank.", I suggested.



I'm surprised those women don't lose a child.

As we all screeched throughout the night as our kids played hide-n-seek in the pitch black. At one point, they were down exploring the drainage ditch and Austin and Jaxon swear they saw a snake. Eeeecccckkkkkk.

I'm surprised those women don't have one of those kids fall in the fire.

So are we!

I'm surprised those women don't spend all their time at the E.R.

As the boys jumped from concrete picnic tables and dangled from trees.

I'm surprised those women don't have ruptured eardrums, those kids are so loud.

What did you say? We couldn't hear you.

I'm surprised those women don't require large amounts of medication to handle all those kids.

We just like chaos. Lots and lots of chaos and laughter and watching these kids grow up together.

The Internet Days Of Our Lives

A few days ago, I asked Greg if he would be available to do some parenting on Thursday, so I could spend the day with my triplet mom/internet/fake friend, Helene Slutsky. Helene flies out to Vegas every year and this is the third time we've hooked up. How many hook-ups before you are real friends? Does anyone know the rules?

The first time I met her, she was at the Trump Tower, and she gave me some sugar-free, diabetic lollipops for the kids and they gave the kids severe stomach cramping and blow-out diarrhea. The kids still ask me when they get a lollipop if it is a regular one or a Poop Pop?

Last year, she was at the MGM, at the same time Greg was trying to kill our peacock with a bat.

This year, she is in a three bedroom condo at the Marriot Towers. Helene knows how to live it up in Vegas, baby. This visit will be remembered as the day Greg went and bought ANOTHER motorcycle without consulting me and we got in a huge fight and are barely talking, because WHO DOES THAT? Does your husband go and buy things like a MOTORCYCLE and not talk to you about it? Mine has done it twice now. He is a slow learner.



Helene and I shared greek salad and gluten-free pizza at Sammie's Pizza kitchen, which now caters to those of us who are gluten-challenged, by not only having a wonderful gluten-free menu, but by also serving gluten-free beer. I haven't had a beer in a year and I was really impressed with the taste of Redbridge sorghum beer.

As per usual, I am not getting paid for this plug. Feel free to continue not paying me for endorsing stuff. I like being poor. Someone did get mad at me in my comments last week for getting a free curling iron though. I have made $120 off Google ads and got a free curling iron this year. You may continue being jealous of my profound internet/blogging wealth.

I also had someone ask me in my comments last week if I was really tan or had end-stage liver disease?



I don't know. What do you think?

In all honesty, I've been gardening like a mad woman all week, getting in my winter crop. Greg made me re-do all the irrigation and go to a drip system from an overhead spray to lower our water bill, so he could buy a motorcycle with all the money I'm saving, apparently. I'm now as tan as a day laborer.

Helene and I had fun catching up on all the internet gossip and stuff we can't blog about. Yes, we have a small filter..

Did you guys know the Octomom is out of money and must decide between doing porn or going on welfare to support her fourteen kids? Does welfare pay as well as porn? How will she hide the tummy tuck scars on film? Did she not clearly think through shoving as many babies as possible into her uterus? Helene and I cannot solve this one on our own, people.



We spent the whole day shopping, and Helene attempted to find me a suitable walking shoe for Rome.

Helene is a wealth of knowledge on just about everything, so I now know to get on the phone with my travel agent and make sure they have a gluten-free diet listed on reservation for my cruise. I was really worried about it. I had no idea what I was going to eat for 12 days.

I love Helene's trips here. I can't wait to see what kind of drama I will be in when she comes to visit next year!

I've Molested A Chicken

A few days ago, Bald Head left the nest she has been holed up in and went all the way across Bob's yard, away from her flock, and begin hiding in the oleanders. She also quit eating and drinking water. She is also not laying anymore.

This is not normal chicken behavior. Chickens don't leave their flock. The fact she was hiding in the bushes, led me to believe she had gone off to hide to die. So I was really concerned and worried about it. She's been a good producer and she's still a relatively young bird, judging by her cone.

After consulting with my neighbor, Jo, we decided she might be eggbound. This is what caused my chicken, Rosie, to die. Sometimes they produce eggs that are too large or too fragile to pass and they get stuck in their oviduct.



So it is recommended that you put you fingers up inside the oviduct and break the egg up, so the chicken can pass it.

I didn't think I could do it. I fretted the entire day about it. I had a glass of wine. Then I had another one. Then I got a latex glove and went over to see if I could do it.

Finnskimo wanted me to video it, so you can thank your lucky stars that I didn't listen to her.

Bob held her, lifted up her tail, yes, they have tails, and I did it. OHMYGOD, it was SO GROSS.



This is the whole egg making organ on the chicken. Judging by how far away number 5 is from the opening, I'm pretty sure I did not get my finger in there far enough.

There was nothing in there. And she's still alive. And she's still hiding in the oleanders.

Now we think that the real problem is that Brownie/FlavorFlav/Usedtobeaguinea is attacking her. He came into maturity about 10 days ago and is mounting her constantly, to the point of her being terrorized into hiding.

So we've decided it is time to eat him. He is one mean son of a gun. He is attacking everyone.

Flock management is not something I could have pictured myself doing, but there you have it. I am a flock manager and a chicken molester. Cuh-razy.

You Can't Quit

The dinner conversation in the S household was AGAIN about Larayshaun last night. Did you think my blog would suddenly be about a kid I've never laid eyes on?

If you didn't read my comment from yesterday, the children revealed at breakfast yesterday that Larayshaun has no parents. He lives with his grandmother, but she has been hospitalized recently, so he is staying with "some aunts and some cousins".

Yesterday, their teacher sent Larayshaun and another boy to the bathroom together, the kids said. Larayshaun bolted, ran down the halls until he found his brother's classroom, pounded on the door until it was opened, and hugged his brother. It was a big uproar and the kids said everyone was really upset that he did it.

"Why do you think he would do that?", I asked the kids. "Do you think because he's never gone to school and now his grandma is in the hospital, he might be missing his brother and want to make sure he's still there? What if Daddy and I were gone and you weren't in the same classroom with each other? What if you were feeling bad and felt like you needed to see each other? I know he wasn't supposed to do it, but do you think he just needed a hug?"

While I was talking, Greg was muttering under his breath, "He probably couldn't come to kindergarten because he was under house arrest."

But, OMG, can you imagine what this kid goes home to at night? It makes my head spin right off when I think about it too much. He probably has severe separation anxiety from his sibling. Kids from those situations cling to each other for support.

I was talking to one of the Mormon moms who has had three kids go through our school, and she said her kids have developed a deep compassion for their classmates that are less fortunate than them. She said her kids understand a diversity that she never knew, growing up in a small town in Utah.

So, anyway, I made Greg tail me yesterday in anticipation of my leaving in 2 weeks. He told me he'll have a new wife by the time I get back because I should have left during the summer, not during the school year when there are time schedules, and homework, and reading. That can be arranged, my leaving in the summer.

I have made things way too easy for him. He has NO IDEA that I rarely sit down during the school week. I had a PTA meeting right after school, so he made dinner last night and was asleep in his recliner at 6:30.

"Get up, Greg! You still have homework, reading, and you didn't empty the lunchboxes, or sweep the kitchen floor, and it needs mopped too, and there's a load of laundry in the dryer, and you need to start the dishwasher or you won't have any containers for lunches tomorrow, and you need to hurry, because the kids need showers and you need to make all that happen so they can be in bed between 8 and 8:30."

"I quit.", he mumbled.

Uh, no, you don't get to quit when I'm gone. Greg is going on house arrest for two weeks. I wonder if he'll escape and go running down the halls, looking for his mother?

How Hungry Are You If You Steal Food?

Sarah came home from school yesterday and said Larayshaun stole her snack and ate it while she was in the bathroom.

This is the boy I just wrote about yesterday who never went to kindergarten.

Okay, I have so many concerns now.

1. How hungry are you if you are stealing food?

2. Why do the kids even get a snack?

3. Why do only kids who bring a snack get to eat?

4. He stole and ate a peanut butter granola bar. What if he had food allergies?

Before this happened, I forgot to pack a snack for the kids and they came home and told me they didn't get a snack because they didn't bring one.

My first thought after learning of the food stealing was to go to Costco and buy a couple big, giant tubs of snacks and donate them to the classroom.

Greg's first thought was to march down to the school and scream at everyone. He was unglued. I told him he doesn't know what it's is like to be hungry. I DO. We didn't have any food after my dad left. I was the kid without a lunch every day at school. Greg said the kid probably had already had his free breakfast and was stealing just to steal. He has NO sympathy.

Amanda told me that Larayshaun is disrupting the whole class and is in trouble all day. He sits next to her and she can't concentrate with all his distractions. Is it any wonder?

Here were their spelling words for this week.




Now how is a kid, who never went to kindergarten, supposed to jump right in and do this work? HOW?

And it's not like they are going to put him in kindergarten. It is 2.5 hours a day. There are 35 kids in the moring class and 30 kids in the afternoon class and one teacher. We are maxed out on kindie students.

We recently learned we are now eligible for Title 1 money because of our minority percentages, but we learned none of that money will go to kindergarten or getting another teacher. Every penny of it will go, instead, to help the 3rd and 5th graders pass the No Child Left Behind tests.

I can tell you right now that the children have been left behind by the time they get to 3rd and 5th grade.

So, anyway, would you buy snacks and donate them to the class for the kids who are hungry? I did not participate in the fundraisers this year and if I am giving away money, I would like to know exactly where it is going.

Going To School When You Feel Like It

Although we are Caucasion, my children are minorities at their school. Our school is 36 percent White. Hispanics make up 44 percent. African-Americans are 12 percent. Asians are 8 percent.

Interestingly, I viewed the demographics of our actual neighborhood during a recent grant proposal overview for our school, and geographically, our neighborhood is 84 percent White. And judging by the number of Tea Party signs in front yards, a bunch of White freaks. You know who you are.

Our school came to have these numbers because the overwhelming number of children that attend there are bused in from other neighborhoods.

As such, we have a very ecclectic blend of cultures.

For instance, the majority of African-American kids that attend are bused all the way from Martin Luther King and Bonanza, undeniably one of the worst neighborhoods in all of Las Vegas. In the 1990s, the courts ordered the Clark County School District to de-segregate this area of town, at which point the district created magnet schools in the bad areas to promote diversity and divied up the kids there, and started shipping them out to different schools all over the valley, while shipping IN children of different ethnicities.

This has worked very well at our school for the past 15 years. These kids are coming from an area where you can literally get killed walking down the street for no reason. So to have a safe place to attend school is huge for them.

One of the areas the Hispanic kids are bused from, 74 percent have one or both parents with an illegal status.

On the first day of school, I looked around the playground and I didn't notice many Black kids at all. I kept thinking, "Where all the Black kids that were cause of such heated debates at our school board meetings during zoning changes?"

I even mentioned it to my neighbor, who is a retired school teacher from the district.

"Oh, don't worry, honey.", she said, "They'll be there. They don't start school until after Labor Day."

"What?"

She further explained, "It doesn't matter when school starts, they don't come to school until after Labor Day."

I thought she must have gone crazy or something.

But sure enough, in the last 10 days, they did start coming to school. Talk about coming from a different culture! We got two new students just last week. Larayshaun and Astefanie. Larayshaun never went to kindergarten at all, Sarah told me.

I was telling this story to my other friend, a former teacher, and she said, "When I was teaching, my Mexican students would tell me on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving weekend, 'Happy New Year!'".

She further explained that they would leave at Thanksgiving to go back to Mexico and come back and re-register in January.

We have had a lot of contentious and heated battles from African-American activists from West Las Vegas lately at our board meetings. They are sick of busing their kids out. They want their kids to get a good education at their neighborhood schools. I tend to agree with this philosophy. They SHOULD be able to get a good education at their neighborhood schools.

But might I make a suggestion? How about SENDING YOUR KID TO SCHOOL WHEN IT STARTS?

:Banging head against wall:

On the bright side, we should have smaller class sizes from November to January.

What If Food Co-ops, Farmer's Markets, And Fruit Stands Were Illegal?

Disclaimer: This is going to be a political post. Don't read until you've had your coffee.

Yesterday morning, I got up at 4:45am to volunteer at my Bountiful Baskets food drop-off. We had broccoli in our baskets this time, and I spent 20 minutes digging broccoli heads out of ice in boxes. Did you know broccoli was shipped in ice? I didn't. I think this desert rat got a little frost bite.



Then the kids and I went to Gilcrease Orchard and picked apples.



We also walked the fields and picked squash.



No, you cannot have those. I don't care if you are attached to them now.



Watch where you are walking.



From there, we cruised over to Floyd Lamb State park for the Farmer's Market and to see Peter, the peacock. This is where the kids think Peter lives, after my neighbor's dogs ate him.



Is this Peter?



It was a beautiful, hot day yesterday and I have gobs of produce for next week without having ever set foot in a store.

Now imagine that everything I did yesterday was illegal? Did you know there has been a bill called S510 in senate committee for the last year that would make all of those things illegal? It's called the Food Safety Modernization Act of 2010.

"If accepted [S 510] would preclude the public's right to grow,
own, trade, transport, share, feed and eat each and every food that nature makes. It will become the most offensive authority against the
cultivation, trade and consumption of food and agricultural products
of one's choice. It will be unconstitutional and contrary to natural law
or, if you like, the will of God." It is similar to what India faced
with imposition of the salt tax during British rule, only S 510
extends control over all food in the US, violating the fundamental human right to food." ~ Dr. Shiv Chopra, Canada Health whistleblower.

It has been on my radar and I keep track of its movement in Govtrack.

Basically, S510 will create so much red tape for small agricultural producers, it will force them out of business. It is so far-reaching, it will make buying an Amish jar of jelly at a fruit stand illegal. This is all in the name of "food safety", but it promises to have the same impact of HACCP in the 1990s, which drove thousands of small meat packers out of business and centralized our meat production to a handful of corporate giants, thus making our food supply actually MORE UNSAFE, while taking away our freedom to buy meat from small farms.

The wording is so vague that it could actually control the seeds we plant in our own backyard gardens.

This bill is very, very disturbing. I urge all of you to Google it yourself and become educated on the ramifications.

I wrote my senators and received a letter back from Harry Reid saying he supports the modernization of food safety in America and he supports the bill. I am now on the fence about voting for him in November. It's either him or that whack-a-do Tea Party candidate, Sharron Angle. Yuck and BIG puke yuck.

HACCP was passed by Republicans and signed into law by Clinton in the 1990s, so I believe the corporate giants will use whatever party is in power to further their agenda.

You can use this link to generate an automatic letter to your representatives to oppose this bill.

Now I'm off to the plant nursery to see if winter vegetables are in. I got to get my garden in while I still can.

Boys And Girls

Friday was my designated kid-watching day. Austin played at other houses on Wednesday and Thursday, so it was my turn on Friday to have all the neighborhood kids. I must say that not having to worry about running Austin back to the school at 1pm on the days he is playing elsewhere is such a relief. My day is so chopped up trying to get him fed lunch and back to school.

So, yesterday, my triplet mom friend Laura texted me and wanted to know if I wanted to meet her at a park? Her boys start kindergarten 15 minutes before Austin and she has a whole morning to fill up, like me.

I don't feel comfortable driving with other people's children in my car, so I told Laura to just come over to my house and play, since I was stuck at home anyway. Then I texted my other triplet mom friend, Andi, and told her that she may as well come over too, because what's another set of triplets at that point?

Plus, Andi's trio are now in preschool with my neighbor's three year old. How convenient!!!



So Laura, Andi, and I pulled up three chairs in the driveway and lounged around while Laura's boys pushed Andi's girls on the swing.



Greg drove up, and I told Laura and Andi, "We should try and at least look busy or I'm going to have to get a job."

So when my neighbor dropped off her three year old, she said, "This is his first day in underwear. He won't go in the toilet yet, but he doesn't mind going outside."

My boys learned by peeing in the backyard too, so when we noticed him holding himself, I told him to go to the end of the driveway and give it a try. Andi nearly died. She has all girls. She was completely unaware of this need for boys to pee in nature.

So the little guy gave it his best shot, but he couldn't do it. In fact, he didn't go at all the 2 hours he was at my house. Which means he can definitely hold it!!! Maybe they always hold it for others better than their parents?



The kids had so much fun together. You have to listen to the boys make the girls laugh in this video. It totally cracked me up.

Meanwhile, the older kids are so jealous of all the fun Austin is having. Amanda told me she wished she was grown-up so she wouldn't have to go to school. I told her then she would have to work.

"Then I just wish I was Grammy's age."

Not Your Average Product Review

Picture Day at school was yesterday. Which was fraught with Picture Day Drama.




Amanda wanted curly hair. Sarah was upset because I curled her hair too. Her hair is much thicker than my own hair and she does not like to stand around and primp.



Amanda was mad that I made her wear leggings under her dress and tennis shoes, but it was P.E. day.



I am the meanest mom ever. All I know is for $80, they better have taken their pictures before P.E. It was a 100 degrees yesterday. This will be the "before" picture, and when I get them in, I'll post an "after". Let's all be thankful Picture Day happened before my cruise, at any rate.

Now if you've read my blog for any length of time, or you know me in real life, you know we are not a family of curls. We have poke straight hair. If you looked up "poke straight" in the dictionary, you would see me.

To my dismay, curly hair is making a come back. But not "real" curly hair. Sorry. Perfect corkscrew curls are "in" right now. Waves are "in". My sister uses a $180 professional, clampless curling iron to make corkscrew curls.

I was given a Conair You Curl curling iron back in May by a marketing company to review.



I really, really wanted a clampless curling iron, so when I got it, I ripped the box open, plugged it in, then proceeded to burn the shit out of my hand. I just couldn't get the coordination to wrap the hair. I got so frustrated, I threw it in a drawer and forgot about it over the summer. We were in the pool every day anyway, so it's not like I had a need to curl my hair.

But I re-discovered it a couple weeks ago, and after some practice, I have finally figured out how to use it. Now I love it. Amanda loves it. Sarah hates it, but we all can't be girly girls. I had someone ask me 2 days ago if I had naturally curly hair. WOW! You poke straight people know how exciting that was.



So here are the details:

Is your curling iron “clamping” your style? Sometimes you just gotta let loose! Soft, sexy curls are now easy to create with the new Infiniti by Conair You Curl. The You Curl has a unique, clamp-free design and a cone-shaped barrel that creates a softer, less structured curl. Simply wrap hair around the barrel, hold for a few seconds and then release. The conical design allows the curls to start closer to the root, allowing more volume through the middle (large portion of the barrel) and the bottom will have a tighter curl (small section of the barrel). The effect is trendy, free-flowing spirals with no “clamp kinks.”

The powerful ceramic heater features Tourmaline Ceramic™ technology which provides more protection, reduces frizz, helps eliminate static and does not have damaging hot spots. The ultra-high heat levels are instantly restored during use, and the 5 LED settings provide the ideal temperatures for all hair types. The stay-cool safety tip protects fingers during use.

It is available nationwide for $49.99.




Amanda and I give it two thumbs up. We no longer must be jealous of you curly-haired folk. So there!

Who Needs A Husband?

This is my poor chicken, named Bald Head. I got her way back in April from the Goat Man and she began losing her feathers.



Now she looks like this. She lays these incredibly large dark brown eggs, but last week she stopped and now she's spending all her time holed up in a nest. Bob and I are worried about her.

The experts say she is molting, but now she's not acting right either. I know her. And this is not her normal behavior.



Does anyone know where Kate Gosselin got her hair extensions? If her feathers don't grow back in a couple months, she's going to be freezing. Or maybe a chicken bonnet? Who sews?

Between Bob calling me to give daily reports on the number of eggs he got and to see if I had fed the chickens yet, status reports on Bald Head, requests for my input on a ham and bean soup he and Jerry were making and what ingredients I would use, and a call from the orchard to ask me if I wanted a quart of cider and a canary melon, my sister has proclaimed that I now have TWO pain in the ass husbands.

Did I ever tell you that Bob's wife left him six years ago after 25 years of marriage? One day, she moved out and left. leaving behind Bob and a 3500 square foot house. Poof! Gone. I think he'd still be married today if that hadn't happened.

So it looks like I'm now the surrogate wife. (I said surrogate. People probably have Google alerts on me.)

"At least your new husband brings you home organic produce.", my sister quipped.

So if any of you ladies need to take one of these husbands off my hands, let me know.

The one across the street likes to boat and ride Harleys. He comes with a 40 year old child named Jerry.