Let's Hunt Him Down

How would you like to live across the street from this guy and have cars lined up from Thanksgiving until New Year's? This guy is in our neighborhood. The Christmas Light Overachiever.



He saw the kids standing outside of the car and told them they could come up in his driveway.

"Don't touch anything, or you might get electrocuted.", he told them.

He told me that he starts putting the lights up at Halloween and he stores all the stuff in a barn. Like we live 10 minutes from the Strip. He has a barn? The lights are synchronized with a computer system.

When we left, Austin said, "See ya soon, Christmas guy."

He cracks me up.

The S Grandkids

So I have to purge something from last week. Remember the Sleeping Dad from the Halloween party?

I talked to him before school on Wednesday and he told me stuff that I cannot get out of my brain. It was like I was just standing there and smiling and nodding and then he just unloaded on me and it's been bothering me ever since.

He told me that his ex-wife's boyfriend beats the kids. He does not have primary custody of the the little boy in their class. He also has a 12 year old boy and a 4 year old little girl. His daughter was trying to climb a tree with Austin while he was telling me this.

He told me that he picked her up and she had bruises all over her bottom and the backs of her legs where the boyfriend had hit her. He has called the police and CPS and he said nobody will do anything about it. The little girl is just the cutest thing you ever saw. I have never seen her be anything but happy and pleasant. He is always chasing her and goofing around with her.

The Sleeping Dad told me he has gone back to court several times to try and gain sole custody, but that he is out of money and can't afford any more lawyers.

He said the boyfriend grabbed the little boy that is in class with my kids and choked him in Walmart with his collar the day before. The day I sat in class, that little boy was so smart and pleasant. I cannot imagine any reason that would provoke someone to do that to him.

So it has bothered me all weekend. If you saw those kids, it would just break your heart. It's hard for me to comprehend a world where children aren't loved and cherished. It just made me sooooooooo sad.

Sleeping Dad said it would be really hard on his son to get a new teacher because Mrs. P knows the situation and his son is really attached to her. I didn't ask, but the boy is wearing a cast on his arm now. He told Gregory he broke his arm when he fell out of his mother's bed when he was sleeping with her.

Let's hunt the boyfriend down and cut off his arms and beat him to death.

It Was The Barley. The BARLEY.

Over the last 2 months, I have kept track of each time I had a severe food reaction. By keeping track, I mean I would call my friend Misti and tell her I was unable to move and what I had eaten. So having someone who would listen to me drone on helped me document what I was eating and what was effecting me.

Misti is my food diary.

I had a bad, bad, bad reaction to sweet tea vodka that I drank at my friend Laura's house. I was sick for 2 days. I realized almost a week later that sweet tea vodka is flavored with malted barley.

Then I had a mai tai at PF Changs and had such a severe migraine, I was hardly able to get the kids in bed or sleep the entire night. I only discovered later that mai tai has a mixer in it called orgeat syrup and it is made from malted barley.

This is where Greg chimes in and says maybe my problem is ALCOHOL.

Then I bought some chocolate/rice wafers from Trader's and the kids and I devoured the entire sleeve of wafers. I was SO SICK the next day. I could barely function.
That's when I got the box out of the trash and read that it had malted barley in it.

Barley contains gluten and cannot be eaten if you are a Celiac, so I thought I was just getting "glutenized" on accident. But in the back of my mind, I was wondering if maybe, just maybe, I was allergic to only barley and not actual WHEAT?

So I caved over the weekend and ate Greg's stuffing. I couldn't stop myself. I went insane. I ate an entire plate of that white bread stuffing. Holy cow, it was fantastic.

I figured I would be sick yesterday. But guess what? I was FINE. I didn't get sick AT ALL. So then I ate three pieces of pizza after making sure Little Caesar's didn't have barley in it's flour and I WAS FINE.

So, OMG, I think I can eat wheat!

Except guess what? I still can't eat most bread, anything breaded, or nearly any cereals. That is because malted barley is in 95 percent of all all-purpose flours in the United States. Which is why going off FLOUR made such a big difference for me.

So I spent a few hours trying to figure out WHY malted barley is in all-purpose flour anyway?

Diastatic malt powder is powdered malted grain, usually barley, but wheat, and rice may also be malted.

“Diastatic” refers to the diastatic enzymes that are created as the grain sprouts. These convert starches to sugars, which yeasties eat. Maltose, a simple sugar that yeasties love is usually made in abundance by the enzymes.

So all-purpose flour is enriched with diastatic malt because yeast likes to eat it and what you are baking will rise.

Now I just have to watch the following ingredients:

Brown rice syrup (often made from barley)
Caramel color (sometimes made from barley)
Malt or malt flavoring (usually made from barley. Could be made from corn which is OK)
Malt vinegar
Maltose (often made from barley)
Coffee substitutes.
Beer
Whisky (generally 'safe' due to the distillation process, but highly sensitive individuals must research specific brands to be sure they are safe).
Mugicha (Japanese and Korean drink)
Soups and stews (check ingredients)
Fructan (a sweetener made from Barley)
Health foods (check ingredients

I will have to find a wheat flour that has not been enriched with malted barley. Did anyone know that barley was in their wheat flour? I just thought that wheat flour was a 100 percent wheat. I had no idea.

Meanwhile, for the last 15 years I have been eating a multi-grain bread from Trader's that included whole grain barley. I would have two slices of toast in the morning and a sandwich for lunch. Then I would drink a beer every evening.

If I would have stuck with Greg's 78 cent a loaf white bread from the Scary Store, I probably would have been fine. I'm sure he'll stop rubbing that in before I turn ninety.

The Healthy Food is killing me.

Was It Black Friday?

I got lost on my way to the mall.

With Thankful Hearts

We spent the day with Greg's family, eating, and eating, and eating, and I feel like this bird


I am so thankful for my family. I am so thankful that my children and my husband are healthy. I am so thankful that all our extended family is healthy.

.

I am so thankful that we were able to be together and enjoy each other's company. I am so thankful that I don't stay out at the casinos until 3:30am, because these kids get up at 6:30am, no matter what.



I am so thankful that my sister-in-law never forgets the wine.



I am so thankful that the kids have cousins who they love to play with.

There was a time in our past when my mother was sick, and another when Greg's father was sick, and another when Austin's future was unclear, and I am so thankful for THIS Thanksgiving and that at this very moment in time, my family is well and happy and thriving.



When we were saying grace, each one of us said what we were thankful for. Austin clasped his hands and looked up toward heaven and said, "I am thankful for the Indians."

I am also extemely thankful that the Need To Shop gene completely skipped me and I will not be spending Black Friday in the malls or stores. How about you? Will you be heading to the stores and what are you buying?

In my turkey-induced coma, the thought of Christmas shopping is quite painful.

The Last Thing You Want To Hear On Thanksgiving

"Michele, get outside quick! The birds are eating the nuts off the top of your sweet potato casserole!!!"

My Children Are Geniuses

The kids came home with their very first report cards yesterday.

In the following categories:

Observes School Rules
Follows Classroom Rules
Follows Directions
Accepts Responsibilities
Works Independently
Works Cooperatively
Quality of Work

They all three received Exceptional Progress in every category.

Sarah was proficient in every single skill, Amanda in all but three, and Gregory in all but two.

Gregory's comments

Gregory is very good at math and seems interested in numbers. Gregory needs to make sure he is following class rules and keeping his hand to himself during lessons. He has made very good progress since the beginning of the year learning his letters and sounds.

He is like Greg's clone. I had to read the last sentence three times because Gregory has been reading since he was 4.5 and he is "progressing" with his letters and sounds? Huh? Was he pretending he didn't know them?

Sarah's comments

Sarah is really progressing in her ability to sound out words and write anything she wants! She gets very excited sometimes and forgets to raise her hand in class when she wants to talk. Sarah is a great helper in the classroom.

That sounds right on target for Sarah. She is reading extemely well now.

Amanda's comments. Brace yourself. I would have NEVER thought I would be reading these comments.

Amanda is a very bright student. I have noticed that she is sometimes forgetful and asks when we are going to do something that we have already done. She is a great conversationalist and very helpful to fellow students. Amanda turns in quality homework on a consistent basis.

Is this the same child I have at home and send to school? The one I once diagnosed with Oppositional Defiance Disorder? The one I once rated as a Mother Killer when I took a survey in the book, The Difficult Child?

I am floored. Amanda has fought me tooth and nail since she was BORN. She has never wanted to do any lessons. She has never wanted to read. She has never wanted to do a single darn thing I have ever asked her to do, yet she started school and transformed into a different child. WOW!!!! I have no doubt that if I had homeschooled her, it would have been a horrible and horrific mistake.

Amanda has been the only child I have that I have worried about academically. I had pretty much reconciled in my mind that she would never be the brightest kid in class and at least she is stunningly beautiful because she would probably marry well and never want a thing in life anyway. But, whoa, what if she's beautiful AND smart? This is going to take some time to sink in. Because in my mind, I've been afraid to think about the possiblity that other kids would outpace her, and in this public school system, if you can't get into the GATE programs by middle school, you are pretty much left with the losers and potheads in high school.

Then I worried if I could get them all in a magnet school, would Amanda be able to keep up wth the curriculum?

So everything I have been thinking about for their future was sort of hinged on Amanda. I knew Gregory, Sarah, and Austin could handle an accelerated curriculum, but what about Amanda? I didn't want to force her into a curriculum she couldn't handle, but I didn't want to think about holding back the other three because of her.

So if Amanda is really good at school too, this opens so many doors for the kids. Did you know if you get one multiple in a magnet program here, they have to take them all? I have three times the chance of getting them ALL in anywhere I want.

I am drunk with the possibilities. If a child graduates though our International Baccalaureate magnet program, they automatically get a full ride scholarship to college.

OMG. Stop me. It's a KINDERGARTEN PROGRESS REPORT and I already have them going to college for free.

I am so happy.

Do you know what this means?

If you set the bar impossibly low like they do in the Clark County School District, MY CHILDREN ARE GENIUSES.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

What's On Your Menu?

Mashed potatoes are a staple in our household and we eat them about once a week. My German grandmother from West Virginia had mashed potatoes at nearly every meal. Greg's Slovac grandmother felt any infant ailment could be solved by giving the baby mashed pototoes. Greg was eating mashed potatoes when he was three months old, according to his baby book.

So you can skip this post if you already know how to cook, but I have had some comments from people asking for simple recipes and mashed potatoes are as simple as it gets.



First, peel your potatoes. Some people left comments that they don't peel their potatoes when they make mashed potatoes, but I always peel mine. It does NOT take that long to peel potatoes despite that video. That commercial is so funny. If you work and you don't have time to peel potatoes after work, potatoes can be peeled and put in water and kept in the refrigerator overnight.



Put the potatoes in water and bring them to a boil. Boil them for 20 minutes. Not 18. Not 22. 20 minutes.



Drain the potato water. I often save a little potato water to add to gravy if I need more. Then get out your potato masher and mash the heck out of them. If you don't have one of these, get in the car and go to the Dollar Store. That's where I got mine.



Next, add a slab of butter and some salt. The more butter you add, the fluffier they will be. Greg never adds enough butter and his potatoes are always stiff. Momma had better pototoes, didn't she kids?



Add milk and mix until you get the right consistency.



Ta-da. Done. Make sure you add a pat of butter to melt in at the end. I would stab my sister with a fork to get the middle first.



I found a picture of Greg carving the turkey!!!!! I have to tell you guys that we are very, very, very traditional with Thanksgiving. There is no fancy new-fangled stuffing going on over here. There is no turkey frying.

We have oven-baked turkey, stuffed with regular stuffing that Greg makes with about five loaves of bread, onion, celery, sage, and five sticks of butter, mashed potatoes, sweet potato casserole, and green bean casserole. Greg's mom makes a creamed corn casserole and green jello salad. Greg insists on slabs of jellied cranberry. No fancy cranberry for Greg. Oh, no. Then we have pumpkin pie and pecan pie.

We have this every year without fail. We usually do it all over again at Christmas. This year, Greg's mom is going to make a seperate bird in her oven minus the stuffing since I can't have gluten. I am going to experiment with a gluten-free stuffing. I'll get back to you on that one.

So what is on your menu for Thanksgiving?

Greg Has Never Had Any Fun Here

I was looking through photo albums last night, trying to find pictures of Greg making Thanksgiving dinner. Greg does the turkey. It's his thing. He has always, always, always made Thanksgiving dinner.

I couldn't find a single picture spanning 20 years of Greg carving the turkey. How weird.

But I found these.



Living in Las Vegas has been extremely rough for Greg. Note: These are my friends.



Over the sixteen years we've lived here, he has complained about it.



It's a horrible place to live. He wants to move back to Michigan.



Why would anyone live here? He's hated every minute of it.



Now I can finally prove to everyone that when I tell the kids, "Don't make me send your father in there.", they pipe it down. Those are some smart kids!!!!

We got thrown out of Studio 54 right after I took that picture. Greg threw a man over a table for touching my friend Laurie's hand. Or maybe he sat in her seat. I can't remember, but Greg has never done anything exciting here. It is SO BORING. If he could just get back to the Midwest, he would truly know excitement.

I Need Just One More Computer

Wouldn't you think that having five computers in our house would ensure I would be in the pecking order to get online if I slept in one morning? Like today?

No. No, it would not. Curious George must be played.

I am eagerly awaiting a return phone call from the principal as I type.

Here is the message I left.

"Hi, Mr J. My name is Michele S and I have the triplets in Mrs. P's kindergarten class. I was calling to ask you a few questions regarding her replacement. I would like to help my children with the transition and am wondering if they will have a succession of substitutes or if they will be getting a permanent replacement. If you would return my call and let me know the procedure for teacher placement mid-year this would be great. Looking forward to hearing from you. Thanks."

See? Totally not freaked out.

Tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock.

UPDATE AT 6PM:

The principal just called me back. He had a list of concerned parents to call back, so it's good to know I am not completely alone in my psychosis.

He was blindsided by this news. He did not have to let our teacher out of her contract, but it was such a big move for her within the district that he felt he couldn't hold her back because it would mean such a huge financial gain for her family.

He is very picky and will not just let anyone in the classroom. He even interviews substitutes. However, we are at the worst part of the year, according to him. New students don't graduate until January and good teachers are already hired. He could fill the position in a moment with just anyone, but he won't. He wants to try out any new teacher in the position and if they don't work out, he won't keep them.

So what does that mean for my kids?

It means they don't have a teacher and won't have a teacher until sometime in January. We will be "trying out" teachers until we find one.

This just rots.

Your Fetus Can Read

If you waited until your baby was 2 days old to start teaching her to read, your baby is going to be SO DUMB.

I feel sorry for your baby. How could you?

You should have been teaching your baby IN THE WOMB!!!!

Oh, yes. You should have been strapping on a fanny pack full of education and teaching your baby BEFORE THEY WERE BORN.

It's called Prenatal Education by BabyPlus.

That's right. Prenatal education. Why wait until your baby is 2 days old? I like to think that even an embryo is capable of learning. I mean, seriously, do you really need ears or a brain? Why? Your fetus deserves an education.

Here were my kids three days after conception. I often ponder who had 8 cells and who had 6? I am also kicking myself for not teaching them to read that week. They totally look like they were ready in this picture and I was obviously LAZY. If I could just go back in time, I would be all over the Prenatal Education.

Another missed opportunity to review another super dupity great product. I am so bummed.

When The Construction Paper Fades

Between Austin's Thanksgiving party at school and my psychotic episode yesterday, I pined for Holiday activities to do with the kids.

I can't believe this is the last year I will have a child in preschool.



No more construction paper hats or darling holiday songs.

So I got all sad and printed out 60 pages of holiday activities to do with the kids today.

If you feel so inclined, here is the link to coloring pages, poems, songs, bingo games, and mini books.

This isn't just a turkey,
As anyone can see,
I made it with my hand,
Which is a part of me.
It comes with lots of love,
Especially to say,
I hope you have a Happy Thanksgiving Day.

I am so thankful my kids are exactly the age they are this year. They are growing up so fast.

Auntie Jodie From Disneyland's daughter is here staying with us. She is 22 years old. Jodie said her construction paper turkeys are so old and faded now. I'll have Stephanie make you a new one today, Jodie, so you aren't sad. There is still time.

Too Bad For Your Kids.

My friend Cathy, who happens to have four year triplets and also happens to be a teacher in our school district, told me that the district will not replace our teacher during the school year.

At best, we will have a long term permanent substitute.

So now I am TOTALLY PISSED OFF.

I went into the school district's policies last night and substitutes don't even have to have teaching credentials.

It would be one thing if our teacher had left in MARCH or APRIL.

But it's only NOVEMBER and now my kids will not have a real teacher for the rest of their kindergarten experience.

I will be in the principal's office on Monday. I want to hear him tell me what he plans to do about 59 children not having a real teacher for 6 months.

It's totally unfair and I realize that my options are limited. This means I will have to step up and start homeschooling in the mornings.

IN MY SPARE TIME. DAMN IT.

I couldn't even sleep last night because I am so ticked off. Does anyone use a kindergarten curriculum that they like?

Those Poor Deprived Triplets

When I picked Austin and Laura's triplets up from preschool yesterday, the teachers started laughing like crazy as they handed me four giant gumdrop/apple turkeys the kids had made in class.

Good luck. God bless. Hope you make it to the car.

"You guys can totally eat those in Ms. Michele's car if you can carry them."

And they did. They ate them all the way home and I didn't hear a peep out of them.

Okay, I am going to tell you guys something. Having three boy triplets is totally different than having a mixed sex combo. Not in a bad way, but in a different way. Like there are a lot more dog piles and chasing. There is less whining and bickering. But whoa. The energy.

When we were playing out front, Wyatt jumped on Austin's old Thomas the Train bike and said, "Ms Michele...... is this a BIKE?" as he tried to pedal unsuccessfully.

I immediately called Laura.

"Laura? Have your boys never been on a BIKE?"

"We're buying them bikes for Christmas. WHY?", Laura asked me.

HO HO HO. MERRY CHRISTMAS.

Do you think that means they had never been on a Hoveraround either? Those poor deprived babies. I am totally calling CPS.

When you have all boys, you don't deal with Girl Drama. You should have seen the look on their faces when they didn't listen to what Amanda was telling them, and she turned bright red and stood up in her very best impression of a Valley Girl on Drugs and yelled at them, "Oh NOOOOO way, boys. I SAID that you are not putting those trains on my TRACK until I tell you it is COMPLETE. Just STOP. Stop RIGHT NOW."

They just looked at her like, "What are you?"

Then it was like they were afraid she might do that again, so they started doing everything she told them, which made her supremely happy to have someone to boss around.

When Laura's husband came to pick the boys up, he brought me a jar of freshly brined Las Vegas olives he had gotten from a man on his route.

It CAN BE DONE people. People in Las Vegas Do brine their own olives. They were excellent.

I will watch your children for food. See? Totally not insane.

I went to bed at 8:30 last night. In case anyone is wondering.

My Niche In Life

During all the years I was infertile, I used to think about all the things I was going to miss out on.



My mom was an obsessive/compulsive clean freak, so we never had a lot of kids at our house. Kids are messy. They're loud. Those things didn't mesh well with my mother's idea of order. When I was a kid, I always wanted to have the house everyone gathered at. I found that house and I hung out there every single day.

It just wasn't MY house. It was my bestfriend's house. It was loud and cluttered and chaotic and Mrs. Beckwith was always cooking something. She was Italian, despite the German last name, and I would sneak meatballs out of her sauce when she wasn't looking.

We would come running in from riding dirtbikes in the desert or collecting money from our paper route, and we would eat everything in sight. I would try to blend in and eat dinner there every night if I could get away with it.

Everyone would sit around the table and eat and argue. It was fantastic. That house had a profound impact on my life.

So when I never thought I was going to be able to have children, I mourned the loss of that house full of children, I had in my dreams from childhood.



Dreams can come true. I had my Mormon Gal Pal's kids and her daycare kids after school yesterday so she could go to a doctor's appointment. What's five more, right? We walked home in a big gang of kids. Their little friend even had them cleaning up trash in the desert. Preston showed me his award for Citizen of the Month that he got yesterday.



I ran around supplying kids with freshly baked chocolate chip cookies and bowls of popcorn.



They rewarded me with squeals of laughter and gaiety.



It was so much fun, Who knew having nine kids could be fun? I'm going to do it again today. I am taking my friend Laura's triplets home from preschool to hang out until her husband can come and get them after work. Austin is so excited. He loves those boys like they are his own brothers. I can't wait.

Either I have found my niche in life, or I've gone completely and totally off the ledge and am floating around somewhere in the abyss, right before I make a hard landing.

They're Going To Be Serial Killers

Austin didn't understand why he wasn't doing homework. I homeschooled him right along with the other three since he was one, so it was confusing for him to have the other three sit at the table without him. So I started making an extra copy of their homework. Then their teacher just started giving me an extra set.

So on Mondays, he goes in class and picks up his "homework". You have never seen a child so happy to get work.

He gets to repeat kindergarten next year, since he can do any worksheet they can. In fact, sometimes he is smarter than them. Not bad for a child whose brain was once was 30 percent fluid, eh?

I found out on Monday that the kids' teacher, Mrs. P, is quitting on December 1st. Apparently, she was offered a better job overseeing Title 1 schools and is leaving teaching behind to become an administrator.

I am devastated.

I love her. She is such a good teacher. She so genuinely loves those kids. It is heartwrenching. I was sick over it on Monday. She told me that she was afraid to tell the kids because she might start crying.

I wanted to tell the kids myself, but I thought it would be better if they heard it from her. I was totally bracing for the emotional onslaught of losing their beloved teacher.

When they ran out of class yesterday, Amanda said, "Hi, Mom. Mrs. P is quitting. Did you bring any snacks?"

Then Gregory said, "We're getting a new teacher. Are we walking?"

Then Sarah said, "Mom. Mrs. P is getting a new job. Can Preston come over today?"

What the heck? They didn't even CARE.

So I can only guess that this means one of three things.

1. They are firmly and securely attached to me and Greg, so much so, that having other people come in and out of their lives doesn't effect them, because we are their one constant, and that is what is important to them.

2. Having them in 245 different classes with 321 different teachers over the last three years paid off. They are used to having more than one teacher. I only did that to keep from going crazy, so this is just an added benefit. Who knew?

3. They are going to be serial killers, incapable of feeling emotion, destined to life behind bars on death row.

Gosh, which one is it?

So I totally think that Mrs. P is quitting because the district rezoning put 32 kids in her morning class. Seventeen of those kids do not speak English. We don't have that issue in the afternoon class, but I know that she is under an enormous amount of pressure to bring those kids up to standards so we can maintain our Blue Ribbon status.

I know for a fact she was frazzled by that morning class nearly every day. How do you bring kids up to standard who started kindergarten having never held a pencil or colored a piece of paper?

But at the same time, she would not accept volunteer help. I TRIED. The only thing she ever let me do was the poetry folders once a week and I did those at home. She did not want volunteers in the classroom.

Geez, she was like most of the multiple moms I know. She needed the help, but didn't know how to manage the help. You know who you are.

The kids spent the entire 2.5 hours they were in class, yesterday, watching the Lion King, so she could test the four kids who can't speak English to see where they are at in English comprehension. The kids used to get pulled out and tested by someone else. Now it is the teacher's job to do that on top of everything else.

And who on Earth is going to want her job?

I am full of angst. I will be freaking out until they get a new teacher.

Do you know we have never even had a parent/teacher conference? That should go over well with a brand new teacher.

"Uhhhhh, who is your kid again? You have three in here? What?"

I'm going to become a serial killer.

My Inner Crone

A few days ago, my friend Leslie was looking for a kale/leek soup recipe on the internet and ran across this recipe on the AOL Food Network.

"Stir your soup (with an old wooden spoon, if you have one), and as you stir visualize your own croning process. There are many, many women on the verge of croning now. Embrace your wisdom, your strength, and your passionate convictions. The Cailleach will help to show you the way."

Needless to say, we laughed about that one. If anyone is in the process of croning, it's ME. I am totally finding my inner crone.

So grab your sweater pants and a wooden spoon and make some brownies with me. My friend Laraine asked me for a gluten-free recipe yesterday and, truthfully, I still use all my regular recipes --- right out of the Betty Crocker cookbook my Aunt Ellie gave me when I left home. If you do not know how to cook, forget all those fancy-shmancy recipes. You can learn to boil water with a Betty Crocker cookbook.

It doesn't get any more basic. I couldn't even mash a potato when I met Greg. My cookbook is worn and sticky and tattered.

So ANYONE can make brownies. It takes less than 10 minutes. Heck, maybe not even 5 minutes.



Put 1/4 cup of cocoa and a 1/2 cup or a stick of butter in a medium saucepan and melt it over medium heat. Make sure you stir it with your wooden spoon and think of your inner crone.



Take it off the stove and stir in two eggs and a teaspoon of vanilla.



Add a cup of sugar and stir it in.



Add 3/4 cup of flour. I use my gluten free stuff. You can use your own wheat flour. Just use your wisdom when you are croning.



You can add 1/2 cup of chopped walnuts now. I prefer chocolate chips myself. I am a firm believer that there is no such thing as too much chocolate.



Put it in the oven for 30 minutes on 350 degrees and then brag to all your friends that you make brownies from scratch. I think this is easier than opening a pre-made mix. Honestly.

But I'm a crone, so who knows?

Someone left an anonymous comment yesterday that they don't have cyberchondria and they eat "normal" food. Poor Greg. He is so deprived here with all this abnormal food.

WE eat normal food. I just MAKE IT. You might be surprised how easy it is if you try it.

Even If It Is Too Late For Us, I Must Help YOU

Did you know that Americans consume 300 million pounds of excitotoxins each year? That figure does not even include aspartame. I have written about free glutamate in our food supply before, but I get obsessed about it periodically.



I think Greg and I have both suffered long-term damage from exposure to MSG and MSG derivatives from when we were infants and children. I bet the majority of us suffer from it. If you were born between 1950 and the mid-70s, possibly late seventies, MSG was added directly to infant formula and baby food. It wasn't until Dr. John Olney discovered brain lesions in laboratory rats that had been injected with MSG, and testified before congress that MSG exposure caused irreparable damage to the hypothalamus of infants, did the food industry agree to take it out.

Unfortunately for a lot of us, that was too late.

The hypothalamus is the part of the brain that controls the endocrine system, the
nervous system, and the pituitary gland. So an MSG damaged hypothalamus can cause immune system problems, reproductive problems, obesity-related problems due to a damaged endocrine system, and the inability to feel satiety or hunger.

I have had severe immune issues since I was a child. I was infertile. I'm certain my thyroid has never worked properly.

Greg has been overweight his entire life. MSG damaged adults have a disproportionate placement of fat in their abdomens and crave sweets. They don't feel full and cannot lose weight even when they diet.

Those are our symptoms. People also suffer autoimmune disorders like multiple sclerosis, Crohn's disease, Lou Gehrig's disease, and Parkinson's disease later in life and are more susceptible to MSG or MSG derivatives as adults in the progression of their disease.

While actual MSG has been taken out of our children's formula and baby food, free glutamate in many different forms is still present in baby formula and it is in almost all processed food. The highest concentrations are in soups, salad dressings, gravies, and "flavored" foods like chips and crackers. Even organic processed food has high levels of free glutamate, because the FDA considers it "all natural", and if the glutamate is processed from organic sources it can be labeled as such.

I would like to say that we NEVER eat it, but we do and my kids were heavily exposed to it as infants. I avoid it whenever possible now, but I wasn't aware of these things when the children were babies, so Amanda received high levels of free glutamate in her soy formula. Soy protein isolate is MSG.

Hypothalamus damaged children often have ADHD and other spectrum disorders.

Here is the list of hidden sources of MSG in our food.

These ALWAYS contain MSG
Glutamate
Glutamic acid
Gelatin
Monosodium glutamate
Calcium caseinate
Textured protein
Monopotassium glutamate
Sodium caseinate
Yeast nutrient
Yeast extract
Yeast food
Autolyzed yeast
Hydrolyzed protein
(any protein that is hydrolyzed)
Hydrolyzed corn gluten
Natrium glutamate (natrium is Latin/German for sodium)


These OFTEN contain MSG or create MSG during processing

Carrageenan
Maltodextrin
Malt extract
Natural pork flavoring
Citric acid
Malt flavoring
Bouillon and Broth
Natural chicken flavoring
Soy protein isolate
Natural beef flavoring
Ultra-pasteurized Soy sauce
Stock Barley malt
Soy sauce extract
Whey protein concentrate
Pectin
Soy protein
Whey protein
Protease
Soy protein concentrate
Whey protein isolate
Protease enzymes
Anything protein fortified
Flavors(s)
Flavoring(s)
Anything enzyme modified
Anything fermented
Natural flavor(s)
& flavoring(s) Enzymes anything Seasonings
(the word "seasonings")

As you can see, it is almost impossible to cut all of these out of your diet. But we limit them by not buying "flavored" stuff and avoiding frozen processed food or canned soups, even organic ones.

I think it is especially important to post this again for those of you that still have children under the age of three. The blood/brain barrier doesn't close until three and it is even more important for you to keep these out of your children's diet than it is for me. I have already damaged my children, I am sure.
It may be too late for us, but if I can help your children, then I feel like I'm doing something.

EDITED TO ADD: Is is not even 8:50am and I have already had a marketer of CAMPBELL'S SOUP contact me about giving me free products if I endorse Campbell's new SPONGE BOB soup. Uh, like sure. If you give your kids Sponge Bob soup, you are giving your child BRAIN DAMAGE. Do you know how much MSG is in that crap? So where is my free stuff now? HUH? See how they control what we eat?

I Hate Sex!

When I'm cleaning, I kick the kids outside. I kick the kids outside when I'm cooking too. These pictures are from last week, but this is the sort of stuff they come up with when they have been banished to the outdoors. They decided to make a camp and haul Greg's wood across the lawn.



Then they built a "fire".

I kicked them out yesterday because I spent the ENTIRE day sorting through summer and winter clothes, taking all the summer clothes out, dividing them into what was salvageable for next year and what could be given away, then put all their winter clothes in their drawers and closets.

Then I went through my closet and realized I only wear like five things and that there is no way I've spent more than $500 on clothes in the last 2 years, and OH MY GOD how dismal, then I got rid of the jeans I've had hanging in there for a decade.

When I did spend a few dollars on clothing, I bought a sweater pant suit in a pile at Sam's Club and my sister is unglued. She told me that it screams, "I hate sex!" Have you guys seen them in Costco or Sam's Club? They are sweatsuits, but they are knitted fabric.

I told her she just couldn't pull off the knitted sweatsuit and she is jealous of me. It takes a certain amount of confidence to wear something a seventy year old woman would wear.

SO THERE NANCY. You are obviously horribly insecure.

I make jelly and wear knitted sweatsuits. If you could make me a quilted vest, my life would be complete.

All The Loose Ends

This is how Greg "picks" olives. Do you guys ever hear me screaming, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" all the way to your homes?

I thought I would tie up some loose ends for you today.

Our neighbor's truck that was stuck in the desert 2 1/2 hours south of Mesquite? They got it out. They found some guy in Mesquite with a monster four wheel drive truck and he pulled it out. Our neighbor's wife said he is not going hunting again without a satellite phone. And she means it.

The Stripper mobile on the Strip? The attorney general said if the county permits it on the road, they will step in and shut it down. It's been on the news non-stop. The attorney general said someone is going to get distracted and wreck their car. So my kids will not grow up with naked women driving around on poles. There's that, right?

Macario is out of the hospital AGAIN. After developing a blood infection, staph to be exact, after getting a hang nail and then driving his tractor around their 50 acres on the Big Island, he was able to fight off the infection with blood transfusions and antibiotics. Leslie is going to start hog-tying him to a chair when she leaves the house. Look at Greg in that photo again. Are men their own worst enemies, OR WHAT? Thank you so much for the prayers. He is still not well, but he is home and we are so happy about that.

Fred started his second round of chemo. Jodie left Las Vegas and came down with the flu. They are testing to see if it is H1N1. She is REALLY, REALLY, REALLY sick. They told her yesterday that if she wasn't feeling better, she was to go to the hospital. We have all agreed that she got sick using the tongs in the buffet. YUCK. You actually eat poop when you eat at buffets. Did you know that? They've done tests and there is always fecal matter on those tongs.

I would like to point out now that this is the first time anyone has come to Vegas and got sick on their own, NOT FROM MY CHILDREN. Greg's brother will not even come to Christmas this year because he told me the risk of being around us outweighs the benefit of us being together for the holidays. But I'm telling you guys, we have finally turned a corner on the whole preschool germs thing. They haven't been sick since they started school. They have had every single darn thing there is. I almost died over the last two years, I was so sick. They are done now.

KNOCK ON WOOD.

Did I miss anything?

What's For Dinner?

My friend Misti joined an online meal planning group recently and this group states that 90 percent of Americans do not know what they are eating for dinner at 4pm.

Do you think that is true? I tried to Google and came up empty. Do you really think 90 percent of people do not know what they are eating at 4pm? If you don't know what you are eating at 4pm, how could you possibly have meat out to make dinner then? Then what do you do?

I take meat out in the morning. I also have the luxury, 9 months out of the year, of throwing frozen meat on a rock and having it thawed in an hour. If I completely get sidetracked, I can still put frozen chicken breasts on the grill and have dinner ready in less than 30 minutes. That is my backup meal. But mostly I plan in my head for several days. Like I'll think, "We had chicken last night, so we'll have pork today, and beef tomorrow."

Let's discuss this. When did food get so unimportant in family life? Why are people so disconnected with what they eat? Food used to be something that brought families together. Preparing food has been an intricate part of family life since the dawn of man. But food just seems like an afterthought these days.

And before you all start yelling at me that you work and you don't have time to think about food, then I will direct you to this article about childhood obesity and the ticking time bomb of chronic heart disease in our children's future.

How important is your children's future health? Would you do anything to make sure your child grew up healthy and capable of living to their normal life expectancy? Did you know an obese child's arteries look like that of a 45 year old man and that children who are overweight now, will face heart disease and a shortened life span?

Could you find an extra half an hour a day to nourish your growing child with better food choices if it meant they would live another 10 years?

These are all hypothetical questions, but that article raises some questions about why children are obese and growing more obese by the day. Some of the things it looks at is the parent's fear of letting their children outside to play. It blames computers. It blames TV.

I blame a disconnect with the food we are eating.


Did you know if your children help you select a stalk of brussel sprouts, carry it around, help you cut off each one, watch you quarter them, and saute them, you will hear these almost unbelievable words, "Can I have some more brussel sprouts?"

What? Really? SURE!

So what's for dinner tonight at your house? Quick! Think of something!

Should You Sit Or Stand?

Austin woke me up at 5:06am because there were aliens in his room. Go away aliens. I then laid in bed for 20 minutes before deciding it was useless to even try to go back to sleep. So when my friend Misti emailed me at 6:12am to tell me bras were on sale, I had already been to the store, bought canning jars and pectin, and was in the process of making 48 ounces of pomegranate jelly.

So I badgered her to go to the Veteran's Day parade with me. That'll teach her for getting up early!!!

When I tried to explain war and soldiers to Gregory, he said, "Why are grown-ups fighting, Mom?"

Oh, the innocence. Why are grown-ups fighting?

The kids were so happy to hang out with their triplet friends. But we were standing and they started dropping down after 20 minutes.

"When is it starting?", six - five year years olds and a four year old kept asking in unison.

"These men are fighting for your freedom, the least you can do is wait for them."

Then it did start and the kids yelled, "Thank you! Thank you!" to our service men and women.



So I heard there is some controversy about sitting during a Veteran's Day parade. I wasn't about to lug five chairs with me, so we stood, but the controversy is that these soldiers are serving our country and carrying our flag, and it is respectful to stand and honor them if you are capable of doing so.

That actually seems reasonable to me, given the fact many men rode by in the parade in wheelchairs, having been paralyzed fighting for our country. Shouldn't we stand and salute their service? What do you think about that?



Look! I salute you Oscar Goodman. Where is my gin? This is the mayor of Las Vegas and former mob lawyer for infamous characters like Lefty Rosenthal and Tony The Ant Spilotro. Who better to run the City of Sin than a former mob lawyer? Nobody loves Vegas more than Goodman. He oozes Vegas.

After the parade, we went to lunch, then we drove home and I cased the neighborhood for just a few more pomegranates because I was a cup short of the very last batch I will make this year. Or possibly ever. I am DONE.

We found some in a yard of a foreclosed house, so the kids jumped out of the van and we picked the tree clean.

Then I hauled out the ladder to pick olives.



But guess what? It is too late. Once I got up there, I saw that the olives are long past their prime and are like shriveled up raisins. Our house faces West, so I bet the neighbor's tree would have some good ones left because they face East and don't get the glaring evening sun.



Or maybe it's better that I only have a small batch to practice on?

Then I made another 48 ounces of jelly and made a big pot of chicken soup with rice and a salad and played board games with the kids. Greg is working and WORKING AND WORKING so he is missing out on all this relaxation.

I need to sit today. Or should I stand? What did you do if you went to a Veteran's Day parade yesterday?