Swine Flu = No Summer Vacation Now? A Giveaway!!

A couple months ago, before the windy season started, I got to try some free samples of Softlips organic lip conditioner.

Amanda has serious issues with chapped lips. If she is in the wind or sun at all, her lips get so chapped they just start bleeding. I always hesitate to put anything on her because she is so sensitive to artificial ingredients. So I was delighted when I got to try the Softlips because it's all natural and organic.

It smells and tastes so good, the kids will literally try to eat it when they use it. It has done wonders for Amanda's lips.

So now I get to give some away. Here's the product info:

Softlips Goes Tropical with New Summer Flavors



“Stay-cation” is the key word for many this summer. But don’t worry; Softlips lip conditioners will bring the sweet taste of the tropics to you with the new limited edition flavors – Coconut Cream, Peach Mango, Piña Colada and Passion Fruit.

Perfect to stick in your pocket or beach bag, the seasonal flavors help protect lips from the sun with SPF 20 and have the same great moisturizing properties as Softlips’ other popular flavors. Each summer flavor comes paired with a complimentary Softlips® favorite lip balm and will leave you feeling like you’re lying on the beach sipping your favorite tropical drink:
· Coconut Cream with Cherry
· Peach Mango with Vanilla
· Piña Colada with Strawberry
· Passion Fruit with Cherry

For a suggested retail price of $2.99 to $3.99 for the dual-stick pack. Through out the summer season, the limited addition flavors Coconut Cream and Peach Mango will be available in Target (starting in May) and Piña Colada and Passion Fruit will be available at Walgreens (starting in June).

You can also find it at Target and at drugstore.com You know what I love best? It's really affordable!

So I'm giving away: One set of the limited editions summer flavors, Coconut Cream (coupled with cherry) and Peach Mango coupled with vanilla.

Just leave me a comment and for fun, why don't we discuss whether the swine flu is going to make you do a "stay-cation". Are you changing your plans because of it?

Greg and his mom are completely freaking out about it. I think they are ready to head to the underground bunker.

The kids and I will be living down there eating Softlips and Spam.

But we'll smell good and we'll be soft, I guess. So leave a comment and you'll automatically be entered into this giveaway!!!!!

The Fattest Ever Mother Of Triplets

Sometimes there is nothing more I can add to a story, except that in Britain, a stone equals 14 pounds, so here it is word for word, including pictures, from this article:


She made history as the fattest ever mother of triplets, weighing in at 40 stone.
But far from ensuring her babies don't go the same way she did, Leanne Salt is happy to admit feeding them junk food, including fish and chips and McDonald's meals.

Yesterday the 24-year-old - still dangerously overweight at 30 stone - told of her approach to motherhood which doctors say is certain to leave them facing health problems.



'They were six months old when they had their first McDonald's,' she said. 'They had chicken nuggets and chips and loved it.

'They like fish and chips too, but I take the batter off the fish, so I guess that's healthy.'

Miss Salt's immense weight meant the safe delivery of her triplets - daughters Deanna and Daisy, and son Finlee - last August was a major challenge for medics.
It took a 68-strong team and a bill for the NHS of £200,000, including a specially-built operating table for her Caesarean section.



Now back home in Coventry and living on benefits, she says she is too busy to prepare proper meals for her triplets or do much in the way of housework.
Miss Salt, who blames her obesity on a thyroid problem, fell pregnant after seeing her then boyfriend for just four weeks.

They split up halfway through her pregnancy, and she now lives with her mother Jane, 46, and brother Blane, neither of whom is overweight.

The babies each consume around 1,249 calories a day, nearly double the recommended 765 for their 17lb weight at the age of eight months.

But their mother denies they are suffering as a result.

'Babies are always hungry,' she said. 'Sometimes it's easier to give them food that's already prepared.

'Anyway, they don't always have junk food - sometimes I cook a microwave meal for them. My babies are healthy.'

She receives total benefits of £227 a week - £140 tax credit, £42 child benefit.


On an average day the triplets each have an 8oz bottle of milk at around 5.30am, another at 8am, and a crumpet with butter for breakfast.

Lunch could be scrambled eggs on toast, instant mashed potato with spaghetti hoops, or a jar of baby food, followed by a packet of Wotsits each at about 2pm.

Dinner at around 4pm could be a microwave lasagne or pie which their mother chews so they can manage it, and they sometimes have another bottle of milk before bed, although their mother says they're often too full.

'I'm happy to give them fish and chips or chicken nuggets and chips as a treat once or twice a week,' she explained.

'I feed my babies vegetables every Sunday, and a lot of the baby food I give them has fruit in it. The health visitor told me off for giving them Smash because it has too much salt in, but it's difficult to know what to feed them sometimes.'

The full feature appears in this week's Closer magazine, on sale now
She is not alone - earlier this month a survey by the Infant and Toddler Forum found 29 per cent of children under the age of three ate a takeaway at least once a week, while 23 per cent eat crisps and 16 per cent drink fizzy drinks almost every day.

While the triplets' weight is currently normal for their age, they were born five weeks premature so have had a lot of catching up to do, and doctors say their diet is totally unsuitable.

'Although babies should be weaned from six months onwards, they should be given a balanced diet,' said Dr Pyusha Kapila of St John and St Elizabeth Hospital, London.

'Foods high in salt and fat can lead to diarrhoea, hyperactivity, diabetes and, in extreme cases, fitting and fatal heart attacks.

'These children are at extreme risk of becoming overweight in the near future if their diet continues in this way.'

The house is full of unwashed laundry and piles of toys, and Miss Salt says she and her babies only get dressed and go out once a week to collect her benefits.

But they are seen regularly by a health visitor and have weekly visits from a trained helper from the Government's Sure Start scheme.

Her own mother says she buys in salads, but as she has to go out for work as a carer and is the only one in the house who cooks, they never get eaten.

However Miss Salt - who herself consumes 50 per cent more calories than a woman's recommended daily diet, snacking on cakes, crisps and chocolate - is convinced, bizarrely, that watching what you eat could lead to anorexia.

'I do worry my kids could get picked on if they get fat, but I'd tell them that big is beautiful.'

And she now wants her own council house: 'I know how to microwave a meal and make up instant mash, so I think we'd all manage.'

***********************************************************

Do you know what this means? I must pull out my triplet mom support badge again.

Dripping sarcasm here.

I Showed You Mine, Now You Show Me Yours

We've lived down the street from Mrs. Z for 14 years. Mrs. Z raised three kids right on this street. Now she's got a house full of grandkids, dogs, cats, and chickens. She sews. She's super involved with her family and was a stay-at-home mom. She's made me dinners when I was on bedrest, when the triplets came home, and when Austin had brain surgery.

What I haven't known all these years is that Mrs. Z is a slumlord. Mrs. Z has owned properties all over town and has managed them all for 30 years. In addition to sewing blankets and watching grandkids, she does her own plumbing, sprinkler systems, she paints, changes her own locks, and she will kick your ass to the curb if you don't pay your rent.

I looked at her and thought, "Who are you?" the other day when she whipped out rental applications and lease agreements.

She's my new mentor. I want to be Mrs. Z. Except for the plumbing and the painting and the changing locks part. Greg can do that part.

We closed on the very first house we looked at back in February last Friday. It was a short sale and it took that long!!! Do you remember that one?




We closed on it on Friday and I put it on Craigslist and we had it rented on Saturday. Mrs. Z hooked me up with her background check place. The guy that rented it is super hot, single, well-groomed (read: gay) and he's single and has no pets or kids.

It's like a landlord's dream come true!!!!!!!!

After Greg showed him the house, he said, "I showed you mine, now you show me yours."

So he took Greg down to his house and it was perfectly clean and spotless. Wait. What did you think I was going to say?

Then we closed on the house with no kitchen yesterday.

So we own three houses now!!!!! We might keep the house with no kitchen and rent it instead of flipping it. We don't know yet.

This is so exciting. I really didn't see our lives evolving into slumlords, but I think it suits us. Plus, I can finally tell people what my husband does for a living when they ask.

"He's a property manager."

That's my new line. Doesn't that sound better than, "Uh.........uh....he's uh..... completely unmotivated to ever have a real job again."?

It Only Takes A Second To Lose Your Child Forever

In addition to having a garage sale on my birthday, we went to our semi-annual multiple's picnic.

We had it at Centennial Hills Park and there was quite a turn-out!!! It was a really windy busy day at the park. There were three other gatherings under the pavilion we were at, and there were gobs of people and kids everywhere. It's a big park, featuring volleyball courts, soccer parks, a dog park, and a huge play area shaded with beautiful butterfly awnings. It's a mega-park for sure. I doubt we'll see any built that big for a long time to come

I left the kids with Greg and went to the car to get jackets. When I got back, I put a jacket on Austin. He was sitting on a bench, eating his hamburger and watching our club president cut the cake for our club's 25 year anniversary. Greg was standing near the volleyball courts watching the other kids. I walked towards them to put their jackets on.

A few minutes later, I walked back to the bench Austin was at and he was gone. I went back over to where Greg was at and he wasn't there. Then I started scanning our area. He wasn't there. Then I started walking around the pavilion and looking at the other parties that were there and I couldn't see him. I shouted to Greg that I couldn't find him. Greg started looking and I started getting a sick wave of panic. He wasn't anywhere.

Then I started yelling and freaking out. I mean, I started freaking out.

Greg took off running towards the playground, which was past the volleyball court, beyond the soccer field, and behind a rock filled retention basin!



We were in the middle of the park where the first pink arrow is. The dog park was up to the left and the play equipment was down in the circular enclosure. Where could he be? Which way did he go? I was absolutely terrified. The park was SO PACKED. All I could think was that someone took him. I completely freaked out. The pink arrow at the bottom is where Greg finally found him. He was all the way in the boulders in the retention basin.

When everything settled down, a twin mom in our club said her son wandered off at a picnic several years ago and she couldn't find him. A triplet dad spotted him in the car with a man just as they were about to pull out of the parking lot.

I can't even think about that. These kids aren't going to be out of my sight until they are old enough to wear a holster. (I'm KIDDING, sort of.)

Austin had no idea anyone was even looking for him. He just thought we had headed that way and went looking for us. I cannot imagine what it must be like to have your child go missing. I really can't. That must be the worst thing in the world for a parent to go through.

Once we were all back together as a family, we let the kids play at the play structure, which was packed with a bunch of unruly middle schoolers. They were spitting on the slides the kids were going down.

Greg yelled at them. I could hear him yelling at them while I was in the bathroom, down the hill, sitting on the toilet. That's how loud he yelled at them. Then they told Greg they could spit wherever they wanted.

Greg told them he could spit anywhere he wanted too and he'd spit on them. The thing is that he might have actually done it.

Then we had to leave before Greg ended up arrested. We'd had enough.

It was quite a day. We are going to watch our Safe Side video a lot more over the next few days.



I feel so fortunate that Austin was found safely. Anyone could have taken him. Having my four precious babies together when I opened my new socks yesterday was the best moment of my entire weekend.

My Birthiversary Outcome

My birthiversary started yesterday at 5:45am. We had a garage sale. It was like a dream come true. I often worry if I am making people jealous by my life of leisure, and apologize in advance for my world of splendor.

Greg has been accumulating abandoned goods all winter from the foreclosures he's worked on. I knew I might get me something good for my birthday if Greg made some money. Why, heck, I might have got some new socks again. Greg's always good for socks. Or even better, a velour track suit from Sam's Club, as Helene pointed out.

Don and Laura joined in on our good times by bringing over their family heirlooms. I don't want to get anyone too worked up over Don's video collection, but lookie here.

Is that Top Gun? Wow. That's a true classic. I can't believe nobody snatched up the CHIPs 1998 Reunion. That's got to be priceless!

Nobody bought Fire Hazard Santa either. Laura bought this to drape over her Christmas tree, because she wanted to psychologically damage her kids for life and burn her house down.



Don't be afraid my little children. It's just Santa.

When Greg started selling everything for a dollar, my prospects of getting a decent birthday present started diminishing.

He sold all our old kitchen chairs for a dollar each. The lady said, "How much are these four chairs?"

"Four dollars."' he said.

"Are you sure?"

I sold a mirror for a maple dresser, a piece of luggage, and a package of underwear for $1 each. It was Greg's Dollar Store.

Then when it was over, we went inside and Greg gave me a present so the suspense of whether he knew it was my birthday was over. A NEW LAPTOP COMPUTER!!!!!!! CHA-CHING!!!!! I couldn't believe it! Greg and Grammy went in on it. I was thrilled. Just what I wanted for the first time EVER!!!!!

But when I tucked the girls into bed last night, I thanked them for my wonderful new present and Amanda insisted that it wasn't right.

"It doesn't make any sense. We didn't get you any clothes or SOCKS. Grammy will take care of it tomorrow when we go to dinner at her house."

Mama needs some new socks for her birthiversary. It's a tradition.

The Big 4.0.!!!!!!!!

I wonder if Greg will remember that today is my birthday and our 10 year anniversary?

Should we start a pool?

The Grocery Game?

My new BFF is Stud Muffin's mom. We hang out in the Tot Lot together, while Amanda tries to get Stud Muffin to marry her. SM's mom has four children. She has four sisters. She has like 20 nieces and nephews and a hundred cousins. She's on the run constantly.

She has three kids in three different schools and a newborn. They're all in different sports. Her husband is a scout leader and a bishop in the LDS church. She teaches Sunday School and makes wedding cakes. She has weddings, birthdays, and baby showers going on every single day practically because she knows a hundred people.

She never sleeps.

I get tired just listening to her!

We were talking about groceries and the cost of feeding a large family yesterday, when the conversation came around to how everyone at the kids' school has such large families and isn't that sort of bizarre?

"Not really. They're all Mormon.", she told me.

"Really? I've been coming her for three years and only just started realizing that 2 weeks ago. How do you know that?", I pondered.

"We have a look. I can tell."

"What look?", I laughed.

Then she started pointing to people and saying, "See her? She's Mormon. Over there. She's totally Mormon too. Oh, and her over there? She's has the Mormon look."

So I peered closely and the only similarity I could find was exhaustion.

I cannot believe that I never figured this out before!!! Remember last fall, when I couldn't figure out where all the blond haired, blue eyed children were coming from at the kids' school?

DUH!!!!!

I am not kidding when I say 75 percent of the kids in their class are LDS and I never knew! I was laughing so hard yesterday. I think it's even funnier that I wrote 3 days ago, "I found my people" when I discovered the community center.

But back to feeding large families.......

Has anyone ever heard of The Grocery Game? SM's mom invited me to a coupon party at her house tonight. Whenever she talks about it, all the other moms join in about how much money they are saving buying groceries using The Grocery Game.

Since they all have a thousand children, maybe this is something I should be in on.

What's the catch? Do I have to become Mormon? Do I have the right look? Greg would almost certainly convert if he gets cheap groceries.

Moley Moley Moley

I don't know what is going on, but the three older children have begun sprouting moles all over their bodies.

I think, and I can barely even type it, I think Sarah might have a mole coming out on the end of her nose. I simply cannot bear the thought of her forever looking as though she just dipped her head into a carton of chocolate ice cream. We must see a dermatologist -- a plastic surgeon. I don't care what it costs.

This is my fault. I have moles. My people have moles. I've had several removed from my neck in my early twenties. This is my fault for banishing them to the outdoors for the greater part of their lives. Surely they've incurred sun damage and now they are growing moles.

Did you know they sell suncreen with an SPF of a 100? A 100? Do you become invisible when you put that on? I bought some yesterday, so we shall soon find out.

It wouldn't be so bad, having a small little mole on the end of you nose, except they don't stay small. They grow and get bumpy and then, God forbid, big hairs starts growing out of them and soon you look like this.



Amanda found one on her stomach this week and cried for 10 minutes and begged me to take her to the doctor to "cut it off".

OMG! What if Amanda grows one on her face? Gregory has one below his eye. Austin doesn't have any at all yet. They must not start erupting until you turn five.

What do I do? Do they have pediatric dermatologists? Why don't I remember when I first got moles? Why didn't my mother blog?

Perfect Divine Intervention

I know there must be a God, because He tends to intervene at the most opportune times for me. Generally, but not always, it happens right before I open my gigantic mouth.

I decided after I posted yesterday that my kids were still going to bring a book to school. Why should they not have the chance to gain back their confidence? No matter how mad I was, I didn't want to make it seem that should they face adversity in school, I would jump in and take over. So I picked out the easiest books they have in their phonics collection. To illustrate the word "easy", here was Amanda's.





Try and get that one wrong!

I wanted Gregory and Amanda to have the chance to finish a book, so we could get some closure and they could feel confident about speaking out loud again in front of their peers.

I was late getting them to class yesterday, so that the door was opened just as we arrived. Normally, they walk in class, hand the teacher their book, and take their backpack to their cubby.

I planned to speak to the teacher out in the hall after class began.

But when they walked in, Gregory's book was gone from his backpack. Gregory isn't one to misplace things. Gregory is a little OCD about things. He knows where everything is. So when he walked in and it was gone, I knew immediately that he had ditched it.

"Gregory? Would you prefer to not read today or would you like me to go get your book from the car?", I asked.

He looked at me and then at his teacher and said, "No. I want to read."

So I went out to the car, but it was gone. It wasn't there. He ditched it AT HOME. The kid was so traumatized, he ditched his book at home rather than read at school.

When I walked back in, the teacher was walking out just as I approached.

"Gregory ditched his book rather than read in your class.", I said. "Gregory and Amanda told me that if they get a word wrong, they have to sit down in your class, so he doesn't want to read anymore to the extent that he purposely took his book out and lost it."

Gregory's actions went so much further than my words. Gregory is an extraordinarily smart kid and he's a strong reader for his age. If this had been Amanda, I don't think the teacher would have responded the way she did. My words would have meant nothing if Gregory's actions hadn't been concrete proof of the results of her actions.

She was quite shaken and apologetic. She told me that they try to help the kids sound the words out. According to her, sometimes the children just don't want to do it, and after several promptings, if they just aren't doing it, they tell them to practice more at home and they can try the book again the next time. She said they have so many readers, that in order to make time for everyone, they have to move on to the next person if the child is distracted or disinterested in reading that day.

"I understand your intent then, but as you can see, that's not the message that's coming across to the kids.", I said.

I then told her that I had sent my kids to school with really easy books because I was intentionally setting them up for success yesterday, and that I expected that they would be able to finish their books.

She agreed that she would make ABSOLUTELY sure they could finish and she was so, so, so sorry because she thought Gregory was an excellent reader and she didn't mean for it to come across that way.

When I picked the kids up yesterday, when Gregory came out the door with her, she said, "Gregory and I had a long talk about him being afraid to read because he got a word wrong and we're going to make sure he reads his whole book on Thursday, right Gregory?"

Amanda aced her Dot book (go figure!) and was completely giddy too.

Then Gregory smiled and spontaneously barreled towards his teacher and hugged her, which really means I probably shouldn't run her over with my car now.

It was the most PERFECT divine intervention. Thank you, God. I didn't really want to go to prison, nor did I want to take all of you who volunteered to be my accomplices.

Do you have my back for kindergarten though? God might be busy that day.

P Is For Perfection

At some point over the winter, Sarah came home from school and told me that other children in class were reading aloud during circle time and snack time, and could she bring a book to school to read too?

I was a little put off by that. Could she read aloud during circle time during four year old preschool class? I was surprised that the kids could read in four year old preschool. I know Sarah and Gregory are early readers, so I was sort of surprised that there were that many others already reading at four too. They're going to preschool in the community center. It's not like some elite private school, a bastion of higher intelligence.

So Sarah started taking one of her phonics books to school to read aloud to the other children. A month or so later, Gregory came home and asked to take a book to school too. I can't remember when exactly, but Amanda wanted to take a book also.

Up until yesterday, Amanda was not reading. She started reading yesterday which is a whole nuther post. She had memorized the books, but she was not reading. That's why I know the baby reading thing doesn't work. There is a huge difference between reading and just memorizing. But Amanda did not want to be left out, so she would memorize a book and take hers too.

I still didn't feel right about it, but everyone seemed happy, so I let it go. It seemed weird to me though that only the children who could read got to stand up and get attention. Why not just do Show and Tell? What did the kids who couldn't read get out of it? Why not have the teachers just READ to them during circle time?

I've also never been thrilled with the fact they taught them the entire kindergarten curriculum in pre-k. Now I'm left wondering what they are going to do IN kindergarten next year?

Ms. Pam also has them so worried about what they are supposed to know for kindergarten, they came home with a paper with shapes on it and they all three said, "Don't throw this out." (I throw out everything.) "Don't throw this out, Mom. We have to know these by kindergarten."

"Did you want to go over these in Spanish, because you've known these in English since your were two?", I asked.

Could she freak them out anymore? Every time we drive by the public school, they pepper me with questions about kindergarten.

They are SO WORRIED about it, it's to the point I finally told Amanda, "Do you realize when you go to kindergarten, there will be kids in your class who have never been to school before at all? They won't know any of their letters or numbers or sounds? You'll be one of the smartest kids in there!"

Then there's the fact Ms. Pam calls them "the triplets". That's always chapped my hide.

She also says the word "perfect" all the time.

"Perfect practice makes perfect sense."

That actually makes me throw up a little.

So I've never really liked the teachers this year. I LOVE all the other teachers they've ever had. I LOVE that they've been in school with the same kids since they were two. I LOVE the other parents, even if they are a bunch of overachieving freaks, who send their four year olds to school with books to read aloud during snack time. I LOVE that most everyone has oodles of kids and they are all stay-at-home parents who don't have any money. It's like I found my people there.

But I've always had a bad vibe about the teachers this year. It just seems bizarre to me that they push the kids so hard and that the curriculum is so academic.

Amanda was crying on the way home from school on Thursday because she got one word wrong in her book when she read aloud. She was really upset about it and then Gregory chimed in that he didn't want to read in class anymore because he got a word wrong too.

"Getting words wrong is not a big deal guys. Getting words wrong is totally normal when you are learning to read. It's nothing to be so upset over.", I told them.

"But if we get a word wrong, we aren't allowed to finish our book. We have to sit down," Gregory told me.

I almost wrecked the car. I actually had to wait until I got home to finish the conversation, which I did by taking them aside one by one. It's my interrogation tactic.

"Sarah? What happens if you get a word wrong when you are reading at school? Does your teacher help you sound it out? Does she point and prompt you? What happens?", I asked in the most fake, totally not concerned voice I could muster.

"The teacher tells you to practice more at home and you have to sit down."

"So you don't get to finish if you get one word wrong?"

"No. I don't get words wrong though, so I get to finish."

"Does Gregory?"

"Sometimes."

"Does Amanda get to finish her books?"

"No."

ARE YOU F#$%% KIDDING ME???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That would explain why they get so upset if they get a word wrong when we are reading at home!!!

I rarely get as pissed off as I was last week. PUBLIC HUMILIATION IN FOUR YEAR OLD PRESCHOOL???!!

If you are less than perfect, you suck, so don't try??!!! Is that the message they are sending?

I was mad for days. I'm still mad and I'm going to have a big talk with the director and the teachers today.

And I'm not sending Austin there next year. I found a super nice LDS gal who runs her own preschool, and I'm sending Austin to her next year.

I'd pull them out right now, except they only have five weeks left and all they talk about is "graduation" and how they will miss their friends.

So I'll let them graduate and then I'll run Ms. Perfect Pam over with my car. How does that sound?

PERFECT!!!!!

Are These Illegal?

"Uncle" Jerry came over this weekend and dropped off two electric Razor scooters, telling us to sell them in a garage sale or use them, he didn't care.



I really don't think these are age appropriate for five year olds. I was going to have a discussion with Greg about it, then I went outside and Gregory was zooming all over the driveway on one of them. They go about 10 or 15 miles per hour. Gregory can do anything. It's just shocking the amount of coordination he has. To stand on those and work the acceleration and keep your balance is hard.

I can barely do it.

The girls can't do it. They don't even want to try.



I got on one and Gregory and I took off. Oh, the exhilaration!!! We were having a BLAST. We tore out of the driveway and ripped through the neighborhood. Gregory had to slow down for me because I'm heavier and mine wouldn't go as fast. He had a giant grin on his face and we flew to the park. Then we motored all around. We laughed and laughed.

I could see the sparkle in his eye. It's that feeling you get of freedom, when the wind is hitting your face, and you own the road. I could tell he was feeling the same way I did when Greg and I used to have a motorcycle. The feeling I got right before Greg would gun it to 90 miles an hour and I'd have bugs pelting me in the face like missiles.

Later last night though, I started wondering, are those things legal? Can you operate them on the street? I tried Googling them, but if I put in "electric scooter", I get moped laws. I'm fairly certain you can't operate them in California. From what I could tell, you need a driver's license in California.

Does anyone know? I really don't think Gregory should have a bad driving record at five years old. He's got at least two more years for that. You should be at least seven before you have driving tickets.

I Don't Want To Be A TREE

Our neighbor's were shooting a movie in their driveway all day yesterday as a part of this. Consequently, I could not let the kids in the backyard, because they were standing on their play equipment and shouting over at the actors.

So we went exploring the neighborhood and to the park, where the kids collected wild flowers and leaves and sticks. On the way there, Amanda added this leaf to her collection. Is this a maple leaf?



This is not a tree you would normally find in Las Vegas. I showed that leaf to half a dozen people yesterday and nobody knew for sure if it was a maple. Show me a thorn, and I'll tell you what cactus it came out of. You've got me on leaves.

It came from this tree.



It has white bark and these big hard seed pod things on it.



Amanda took one of these too, then we continued our trip to the park. When we got to the park, Amanda cracked open her seed pod and let loose all the little seed "hairs". The wind blew them right into her face and arms and chest.

She began SCREAMING AND SCREAMING AND SCREAMING.

Within seconds, her skin started turning red and welting up.

She was SCREAMING, "I don't want to turn into a TREE! I'm turning into a tree! HELP ME!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

She was jumping around and trying to tear her flesh off. I grabbed her and ran to the water fountain.

I started trying to wash her arms down, while she continued in a complete hysteria, "I don't want to be a TREE! I don't want branches. I don't want my hand to turn into leaves!!!! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

She was so hysterical, I thought about slapping her to snap her out of it. She was absolutely INSANE. She thought she was turning into a tree!!!

I finally got her to breathe and she was soaking wet and Gregory walked by and said, "Trees need water to grow."

"AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Then she started running and threw herself into the sand in attempt to get the water off. She was rolling around in the dirt and throwing it on herself. Then was she was plastered with mud.

I started screaming at her, "Stop it!!! What are you doing? Get UP! You aren't turning into a TREE!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING??!!!"

While we were screaming at each other, Gregory came by and said, "Trees need dirt to grow too."

"AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"GO AWAY GREGORY!!! GO!"

I have no idea how long this all went on, but it seemed like forever before I got her calm enough to start walking back home. Her skin was all red and blotchy and she had scratched herself up. She was covered in dirt.

Austin wouldn't walk because he lost his yellow flower and he started crying his eyes out, and Gregory and Sarah wouldn't put their shoes on because they didn't want to leave. We had just gotten there!

I kept asking her why she thought people turned into PLANTS???!!! I kept saying that people don't turn into TREES. I was seriously beginning to think my kid was INSANE.

Then she finally calmed down enough to say, "Yes they DO! All these trees here used to be PEOPLE!!!", and she pointed to all the trees in our park.

All the trees in our park are living memorials to people who have died. Each tree has a plaque with a person's name. Ever since they were babies, we have walked from tree to tree and read the names and whatever else might be inscribed on the plaque. She thought that those people TURNED INTO TREES.

When we finally got home, I stripped all the kids down and put them in the shower.

I turned around to get their towels and heard Gregory say, "Is there a tree in here?"

I hope someday I'll be a tree. A tree tucked deep, deep, deep in the forest where nobody screams and I'll just stand there all day in the peace and quiet.

I want to be a tree.

They No Longer Need Sleep. Oh....My...Gosh

If you have a child(ren) in the five year old range, how many hours of sleep per day do they get?

When's your bedtime?

My kids don't seem to require any sleep anymore and that's not really working for me.

Not to mention the fact I've got kids sleeping all over the clock.

That's not really working for me either.

Having children up before me isn't working for me either.

My kids only seem to need about 10.5 to 11 hours of sleep total now. Could my day get any longer?

My Kid Is Way Smarter Than Your Kid

This blog has had a long dry spell of little controversy. Yawn. Did anyone catch the anonymous commenter on yesterday's post about babies reading?

"Why is it a bad thing to introduce your children to something as beneficial as reading at an early age?

My baby is 21 months old and has been able to recognize words since he was 12 months old. We are currently working on math skills and using dried beans, he can count up to 10 and knows simple addition and subtraction. "Take away 2 beans. Now add 4."

He started piano lessons last week and we are scheduled to begin Japanese at the end of the month. Some people might think it's crazy, but I think that young children are a sponge for knowledge and they are a lot more intelligent than the majority of people give them credit for.

Oh - and he was finished with day time potty training six months ago and night time potty training four months ago.

I think most people are lazy and don't want to invest the time or energy to encourage their children to be all that they can be. As a result they ROB their child of achieving their maximum potential in life.

My toddler can pick up Cheerios with his chopsticks. Can YOURS?

Whew. That was a long one. You know what? Not once in my extreme parenting psychosis have I ever once freaked out that my children couldn't use chopsticks. Now I've been challenged. So I went to the internet to look for an instruction video on how to use chopsticks and this is what I found.



Well, well, Mr. Parent Of A Child Prodigy. Your kid is as smart as a cat!!! You should be so proud.

Of course, I believe the commenter was pulling my leg, because he came back and said this:

For motor skills, picking up tiny objects with chopsticks have been useful. But I'm also teaching him to rollerskate for balance and coordination. Regarding the dried beans, in addition to counting them - he makes some BEAUTIFUL creations. Last week, I helped him to use a variety of lima, pinto, kidney and navy to design an image of "The Last Supper."

I can send you a picture if you'd like.

Certainly that's a fake comment, right? Except guess what? You can buy a book and kit called, Mosaics, Everything You Need To Create Ancient Masterpieces.



It's entirely possible that person was real yesterday.

"I told you twice, don't put the lima bean in Jesus' armpit! What is wrong with you? You are almost 22 months old!!! Are you a baby? Read the directions!"

I will end this post with some additional advice for Mr. Parent Of A Child Prodigy. Roller skates for balance and coordination?

Austin has been skateboarding since he was two. Everyone knows roller skates are for wussies. What a SLACKER!!! Stop being lazy, for crying out loud!!!! You are depriving that poor child of his full potential! All of my kids can skateboard. Can YOURS?

Why Do Babies Need To Read?

I am so glad I don't have babies anymore, or I'm almost certain I'd have bought into the newest rage --- making your baby read.

Have you heard of the DVDs or seen the infomercial? I know of several moms currently using Your Baby Can Read DVDs and flashcards to teach their babies to "read". I use quotations on the word read, because I don't believe they are reading, regardless if they can pick out some sight words. Here is a review of YBCR by a professor of education.

They actually aren't even being READ to though, that's the irony of it all. They are watching television and then being shown flashcards. That's actually not learning to read, is it? That's not teaching a love of reading. That's not being introduced to literature. That's just memorization.

But more importantly, why do babies need to read anyway?

Don't babies have enough development going on? They have more mental and physical growth going on in the first two years of life than any other time in development. Why must they also know how to read? They are learning to walk, run, talk, communicate, use gross and fine motor skills, and develop crucial bonds with caregivers.

If they can't TALK, wouldn't you focus on that before you teach them to READ??!!!

Are you using this program? How's it working for you? Blast me. I can take it. Tell me how your 10 month old can read.

And if you have two hundred extra dollars, I have a PayPal account and I'll teach your baby to drive a car.



But wait, there's more.

I'll teach them to fly a plane too!

Ask me how!

I've Noticed The Obese Kids

There was an article in our paper last week that said 1 in 5 preschoolers are now obese.

I have to say that I've noticed. There are some extremely obese kids playing on the playground at the school by my house. One boy has trouble walking, he's so heavy. Where are his parents? How could they let him get like that? It's not like he can buy his own food and prepare it. Someone is letting the child get that big, and why?

I have to also admit that I continue to worry about Austin's size. Although his BMI is a hair below overweight, I believe if he was allowed to eat as much as he desired, he would be gigantic. He doesn't seem to have any self-regulation. He doesn't seem to know when he's full. I really believe he could be the morbidly obese child who can barely walk across the playground, if he doesn't have proper guidance and monitoring.

He'll ask for seconds, then thirds, then fourths. And he eats so fast. He just shoves so much in his mouth, you can't believe he doesn't choke to death. Within a 20 minute time frame, he ate ALL THE CANDY out of his Easter basket before I even realized it. He shoved his whole big chocolate bunny down his mouth and ate it.

He seriously eats more than I do.

So what we are doing is making him slow down and wait for seconds. We are not giving him extra helpings until his stomach registers that it is full. We are encouraging him to slow down and not put so much in his mouth and to chew his food. We are also not offering snacks. He rarely asks for food, but if it's available, he'll eat until it's gone. It doesn't seem to matter how much is there. He'll eat it all.

He does get a ton, and I mean a ton, of physical activity. So it's scary to think that the longer he's in school, the less physical activity he will get. There was another article in the paper that said preschoolers in structured centers were sedentary 89 percent of the time.

I really can't imagine that, but that's what the study says. I wish my kids were sedentary 8 percent of the time, so I could sit down.

I'm just curious if anyone else has this issue with one of their children? What are you doing about it? What advice have you been given?

We just want Austin to continue having a healthy and happy childhood and don't want weight to become an issue for him.

What Goes With Trout?

Our neighbor's son, Jerry, called yesterday and told me not to make dinner tonight.

We're having a fish fry!!!



Mmmmmmmm......wow, I wonder if we are having beer to drink too?

The kids were outside with Greg and they came busting into the house, telling me, "Jerry's drinking blood, Mom!!!!"

That's when I discovered that Jerry drinks beer from the same ice chest that the dead fish are in. He calls it Fish Beer, because the first drink tastes like fish.

OMG!

Having Jerry on our street has exposed the children to an entirely different world than the one we live in. If you are five, this a world where people own quads and hunt and fish and gut animals in the driveway, and it is so much fun.



Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



"Feel the fish teeth?"

You know what's weird about kids? They don't seem to be squeamish. They take stuff, like someone pulling the guts out of a fish, in stride. I don't show any reaction and they don't freak out. If I freak out, they freak out. So do people learn to become squeamish? Are your kids squeamish? Or are my kids freaks?

Because I feel uncomfortable looking at the guts of a fish. Yet, my father fished, and I don't remember feeling uncomfortable as a child. Hmmmmmmmmmmm. Is it a learned behavior?

My kids like bugs and things that crawl too. They really don't seem to be afraid of anything, except bees and that's only because they've all been stung.

So we are having rainbow trout from the Eagle Valley Reservoir in Pioche, Nevada for dinner. What goes with trout? Besides beer.

I Am Your Puppet!

We didn't go to church yesterday, in case you were wondering. We decided it might be better to try something new when it isn't so packed, and when the kids aren't overdosing on sugar and dye, and sleep-deprived from excitement and adrenaline. I have a "date" to go to the church around my corner with the neighbor next Sunday. So we'll revisit that issue next week.

We also didn't really buy an off-road all-terrain quad either. I was only egging my sister on yesterday with that photo.

She said, snidely, "Do you have some endless supply of money that I don't know about?"

It's not ours, we are just babysitting it until Tuesday. Guess whose it is? He scored it for really cheap, dude, in a distressed sale.

But the kids LOVE it. I mean they LOVE it. They were taking turns riding up and down our street with Greg all morning. I had to keep screeching, "It's not a toy. It's not a toy."

It's bigger than my first car!

I'll be glad to see it go, and we can revisit their need for speed when they are a tad bit older.

Finally, I have to say that a few days ago, an anonymous commenter posted a comment that Lowe's had kitchen cabinets on sale. Greg had checked with Home Depot, and was getting a quote for $3200 for the replacement cabinets on our investment house. He picked up the stock cabinets at Lowe's for $1200 total.

You saved us $2000.

So THANK YOU! That is so awesome, I can hardly stand it. He had to go to two different Lowe's to get all that he needed, but it was totally worth the time. They didn't have the merlot ones, but they look fine to me and certainly better than walls.

Do you know how many good tips I've gotten on this blog? We are your puppets from now on. I'm going to start checking with you guys before I do anything!!!!!!

No Toys For Easter???!!!!

Wait a second! I thought Greg said we weren't getting any toys for Easter????!!!!

Click on collage, Grammy, and you can see it bigger.

Greg is vying for an Easter ticket right now, while I try to keep the children alive.

The kids were up at 5:55am this morning. The Easter bunny got up before them and managed to hide the eggs before they awoke.

They've consumed mass quantities of candy and gone at speeds faster than they should. Someone is going to throw up for sure.

Happy Easter, everyone!

We're Good Samaritans Now

Greg took the kids out yesterday morning and they came home and told me they had seen the Easter bunny. Austin looked a little unsure in the photo, but he claims he wasn't scared. They told the Easter bunny that they want lots and lots of chocolate and jelly beans.

That's good, because they aren't getting toys this year. Greg said that the Easter bunny doesn't have elves, so why should they get toys? But maybe the Easter bunny has elves now because he's at the mall. Do you remember the Easter bunny being at the mall?

He also stopped by our new investment house to take some measurements. The bank had hired a cleaning crew to come and remove all the debris and garbage. It wasn't safe to walk in there when we first saw it, which was the day it was listed. It looks pretty nice now. We were the first bid on it. Then someone bid 115,000 and we lost it. Then they changed their mind and we got it.

I didn't notice before that they didn't rip the molding off. That's awesome. In most of the foreclosures we've been in, the molding is usually ripped off.

Here's the kitchen.

It looks like they had a back splash up and ripped that off too. So as you can see, they even took the kitchen sink.
They tore out this bedroom window. I wonder if they did that after the bank foreclosed and they were evicted?

But even worse than ripping out the kitchen, they cut all the electrical wires going into the circuit breakers.

They even TOOK the circuit breakers. I bet if they could have, they would have taken the marble floors too! Greg has never seen a circuit board like this one. We may have to hire someone to do this part, less he be electrocuted and die.

So the reason this home went for so cheaply is that you can't get a loan on a house that isn't livable. It had to be cash. The damage in this house is pretty typical to the damage we've seen in most of the foreclosures we've been in. It's rampant.

Greg even took a flashlight and looked down the toilet drains to make sure they hadn't poured cement in them. He's seen it all. This one still had the a/c unit, so that was a bonus. Of course, we don't know if it works because we don't have any electricity. They also took all the electrical outlets and light switches. Greg will have to replace those too.

The thing that is amazing to me is that all this vandalism isn't a crime. It's amazing to me that when congress passed the Debt Forgiveness Act in 2007, which made banks unable to go after people for the difference in what they owed on their home and what the bank could sell the home for, that they unknowingly opened the door for people to destroy their homes with no thought of owing the bank even more money.

The people that owned this home owed 302,000 dollars on it. It sold for 108,000. The bank would have reported to the IRS an income of 194,000 for the difference that they had to write off in bad debt. The owners would have had to pay taxes on 194,000. How many people would have been willing to walk away and destroy their home, if they were responsible to the IRS for taxes on 194,000 dollars?

The Debt Forgiveness Act has been a free pass to shirk responsibility, and in my opinion, a major contribution to the housing crisis. There is no accountability for how the property is turned over to the bank. The bank cannot go after the owner for the additional costs accrued from this wanton destruction. The more people that walk away, the lower the price of real estate goes, and the more people walk away. It's truly a dynamic snowball effect. I am amazed that Bush would have ever signed this bill into law. Aren't the Republicans all about personal responsibility?

So we will take over the responsibility of getting this house livable, so someone can get a loan on it and live there, and send their kids to the nice school down the street. And whoever ultimately buys it, will actually be able to afford it, because it's a reasonable price for a decent home in a decent neighborhood.

But more importantly, if we make some money on this house, we are going to Michigan this summer. Let's keep our priorities straight here. Sheez, I was starting to sound like a Good Samaritan.

Our Newest New House

I snapped this picture just as the Red Dye 40 went SPLAT all over our porch. Greg asked me if I wanted to do the Easter eggs inside or outside? I was so afraid it was soaking into Amanda's skin and that she might actually go into toxic overdose, I sprayed her hand with Clorox Clean-up.

She was okay, I guess it doesn't soak in through the skin.

I spent all day yesterday trying to recover my computer from a virus that disabled my access to the internet. Every time I got on, I'd get an error message and my internet would shut down. I was ready to drive to Fry's and buy a new computer, when I discovered that I could get in through my Picasa photo program. So I got in, and downloaded Firefox, and was able to stay on long enough to download the new Internet Explorer 8 and fix my computer.

But this led me to discover that if you set up a Picasa account through your Google name and you are a Blogger, then every single picture you've ever uploaded to Blogger is in Picasa in perfect chronological order. So if my computer completely crashed, I'd still have the 1500 photos I've uploaded to Blogger since 2006. I print all my photos, so I wouldn't be completely pictureless if my computer crashed, but I know plenty of people who aren't printing pictures. You know who you are.

Getting a virus yesterday actually got me to backup all my photos. So it wasn't all bad. Picasa rocks for backing up photos.

This could be the most boring post I've ever written.

So to jazz it up, Greg bought a house while I was gone and we are in escrow.



It's at The Lakes and right by the elementary school there. It's a great location and you know what they say, "Location! Location! Location!". We got it for 108,000. It had been totally upgraded and the owners owed 302,000 on it. They had put in all marble and wood flooring and a really fancy kitchen. But in a fit of rage, they tore out and dismantled the entire kitchen. The kitchen is gone. Then they tore down all the crown molding, and ripped the toilets out, ripped a window out, and cut all the electical wires.

This was after the bank offered to give them 2000 dollars to move out.

So we are going to flip this one. Greg is going to put it back together. He figures it will take about 8 grand to put it back together and the other houses in there are selling for around 135,000. So if this works out, we might be able to make 10 grand in a couple months. I could use 5 grand right now. (That's my HALF, hee hee hee hee!)

Either way, it will be fun. I'm excited about it.

Who says recessions have to be boring?????

Don't You Watch Horror Movies?

We had a dreadful drive home yesterday. The kids were antsy and complained and fought. I discovered that the girls had been stuffing uneaten and rotting food and garbage in the back of the captain chair seat pockets. My van normally has the smell of rotting flesh and kid stench, but this was even a greater degree of the usual odor.

It's just not the same when you are going home, as the anticipation of going on an adventure is over. I tried everything to distract them to make the trip more fun. We counted arms on the saguaros.



I told them the legend of the saguaros and how each magestic cactus is the soul of a dead Indian, and every arm represents the number of wives he had in his former life. If the arms are facing up, it means it was a happy marriage. This Indian was a virile and handsome man and had many happy marriages to many wives.

OMG! I had to pull over for this one. Is that my dad?

The general misery did not stop, it only increased and I found myself desperate to let the kids get out and run it off. So I pulled over in Nothing, Arizona.

When Greg found out later, he said, "Don't you watch horror movies? I can't believe you pulled over there. You're lucky you weren't hacked up with a chainsaw and buried behind the trailer."

We didn't stop by the trailer though. We went off-roading.

The thought of getting stuck in the sand and having to knock on the trailer with the pit bulls wasn't as scary as staying in the car with the kids.



Right after I took this picture, Sarah took a dive on the rocks and scraped up her whole leg. Good times. Good times.

They did take a nap after lunch though. Greg has taught them to nap on command in the car. When we took the road trip to Michigan last year, he'd just turn around and tell them it was nap time and they would take a nap. I've been using that ever since. Only Greg would have oversimplified the whole napping-in-the-car process.

Then we got stuck in an hour traffic jam at the dam. Someone posted that they are visiting the dam on Friday. It's Spring Break. Every person that owns a camper, trailer, and RV within a 2000 mile radius is on a road trip. I see no evidence of an economic downturn at all. I think Fox News invents bad news to keep their ratings up. People are out traveling. The dam is PACKED. Go early.

Everyone woke up and had to pee on the dam and I had no choice but to let them go in the potty chair while we were sitting in traffic. It's not like you can pull over on the dam. Then the chair was filled to the brim and sloshing over.

I really don't have to watch horror movies. I live it.

When Does Life Begin?

I'm turning 40 this month.

A couple of weeks ago, I had a message on my phone from my bestfriend Laurie. I wish I had recorded it for my blog. Laurie had her happy Valley Girl voice going.

"Hiiiiiiiiiii!!! It's Laaaauuuurrrriiiieee. We're turning 40. I'm calling to find out what your plans are. I'm going on a 7 day catamaran cruise of the Virgin Islands. What are you doing? Caaaalllll meeeeee."

Okay, I don't have any plans. I was going to take my kids to the multiple's picnic. Does that count in the same league as a seven day catamaran cruise? I don't even know what a catamaran is!

To celebrate while I'm here though, the kids and I went over to Laurie's last night and Laurie broke out the champagne and the kids ate hot dogs and french fries and frosted Easter cookies. It was so much fun, especially the drinking champagne part.

Laurie's kids are three and two now and the kids just ran around and entertained each other. It's getting so much easier.

I can't believe Laurie and I are going to be 40. When my mom was 40, I was 22. I took my mom on vacation to San Diego with my own money when she turned 40. Oh my Lord, I'm going to be ancient when my kids are 22. They'll probably be taking me on a trip to the old folk's home when they are 22.

But I'm optimistic. I think the forties are going to be the best decade yet.

Doesn't life begin at forty? Or is that just what old people say?

I'm Just Kind Of Spoiled

On our second trip to the park yesterday, we had the pleasure of being accompanied by a ten year old neighborhood boy. Before dropping his bike to do hot dogs down the hill with my kids, he asked me politely if I would hold his cell phone for him. He told me he had had a cell phone since he was in first grade -- a picture phone.

"Wow. First grade? Do you text? You do? You must be a really good speller then! You have a list of contacts? Do all your friends have cell phones? They DO! That's impressive. Did you do anything to earn your phone? Good grades? Chores?", I asked.

"No. I'm just kind of spoiled.", he told me.

Oh, man, that was funny.

So the first park we went to yesterday was in Anthem, which is just like the master-planned Anthem community we have in Las Vegas. They must have one set of blue prints. They even had the same behemoth four story climbing structure. The last time I was faced with this monstrosity, the triplets were two and Austin was one. It nearly scared me to death! Once they go up, you can't see them and you have no idea where they are, and the older kids are running around and I was terrified the entire time.

This time I just sat on the bench and hoped for the best. My sister just had knee surgery last week and was hobbling around all day on crutches, and it only seemed appropriate to keep her company while I drank my coffee.

Since it's nearly 90 degrees here, the kids got to go swimming for the first time this year.





They also have gotten all kinds of hand-me-down toys from their cousins and my Aunt Pam came over and brought them gifts too.



She made the girls bows for their hair, which was the biggest hit ever and Amanda was practically salivating.



Then they ate pizza for dinner and had ice cream before bed to top it all off.

I can totally imagine the conversations they'll have with strangers someday.

"So what did you do to deserve going to the park twice, swimming, eating ice cream, and getting presents today?"

"I don't know. I guess I'm just kind of spoiled."